KANSAS CITY, Missouri –
A Kansas City fetus is optimistic that the state will legalize 2nd trimester abortion before it reaches its 3rd trimester. Kansas currently outlaws the dilation and evacuation (d & c) procedure necessary to abort a pregnancy in the stages in which the fetus is already developed. But there is no indication that changes to the law will come into effect within the next three months.
“Look, being born would not be the worst thing that could happen,” the not-yet-alive being told reporters. “Well, actually it is. Born becomes infant, becomes being who feels immense physical and emotional pain. I don’t wanna go through it. And I don’t have to!”
The fetus’s mother says she is a law-abiding citizen and, although she does not want this baby, she will go through with it if she can find no legal way out, and raise it as her own – which it technically is.
“I’ll have the little bugger. I can take care of it. Yes, I won’t be the most attentive mother, and it’ll grow up maladapted, but what can ya do?”
The ‘little bugger’ asserted that its plan b is to convince its mother to commit the crime so that “I don’t have to do the time. It’s not fair! It’s just not fair! I’m going to campaign, and get other fetuses on my side, and start a petition even. I’m doing everything I can to stop my life from happening.”
Pro-choice activists have been swift to join the fetus’s cause, hoping that this will serve as an example for further legislation.
“It’s usually the mothers who we’re working with, even though we’re doing what we do for those poor unborn babies. Now we have the true victim with us, we know we can win this one.”
Kansas legislators, however, show no signs of backing down. They say that, because the fetus is not yet legally an adult, its opinion does not count, and that “if we give it this, we’re eventually gonna have to let them vote.”