DALLAS, Texas –
Texans are calling for the death penalty for a man accused of disrespecting America in the worst possible way, shooting and eating a bald eagle.
Larry Tucker says the eagle asked for it. “Damn bird kept picking off my chickens so I shot it. A man has a right to protect his livestock from predators.”
Arrested under the Eagle Protection act, Tucker expected to be fined for poaching and sent on his way. Because he admitted to broiling the bird, he now faces additional charges. Although his lawyer advises him there is no way he will actually get the death penalty, the public outrage against him has really hurt Tucker’s feelings.”
“I’m not un-American. Got a flag on my front porch like everybody else. I’ve always liked to try different meats, and it would have been a waste if I didn’t eat the damn thing. I truly regret it. Damn thing didn’t even taste good.”