CONCORD, New Hampshire –
An albino New England native, John Logan, has gone missing during a snowstorm in New England. There has been no sightings of the pigmentally challenged individual thus far, yet rescue services are hoping that with the storm settling by late Tuesday, they’ll be able to find signs of his whereabouts.
“It’s strange that we haven’t found him,” said rescue worker Jonah Abrahams. “We’ve usually located missing persons by this time, even in a storm of this calibre. It’s like he just…dissolved.”
Longtime friend of Logan, Burson Brookes, suggested that Logan’s disadvantaged background may be related to his disappearance. According to Brookes, Logan has a physiological defect – that of being left-handed.
“John was never allowed to join the scouts,” he said. “They claimed that he wouldn’t be able to fit in, because he’d have to learn the skills they taught from the inverse side, but we all knew it was down to that prejudice against lefties the scouts are infamous for.”
Logan’s mother also blasted the local Boy Scouts, saying that he’d probably be home safe now were it not for their bigotry against anyone “with the slightest difference.”
“I know they’ve discriminated against boys of color,” the frantic mom stated. “But Johnny was certainly not a boy of color.”
Late afternoon attempts to locate Logan were hampered by another mystery. Numerous sightings were reported of what has been described as a “paranormal,” and “ghostly” phenomenon. Members of the public who had previously volunteered to help search for their fellow citizen were scared and discouraged, lowering Logan’s chances of being found.
“It’s some sort of freak show out there,” one visibly shaken witness said. “I mean, this could be the cause of his disappearance.”
When asked to describe what had left her so scared, she stated that an outfit was out there moving of its own accord, seemingly inhabited by an invisible man. “Either that, or someone with freakishly good camouflage for these conditions.”