LAS VEGAS, Nevada – 
In an effort to crack down on what has recently become the rampant use of performance enhancing drugs in mixed martial arts, the Nevada State Athletic Commission sent out a press release outlining their new rules requiring drug testing for all mixed martial arts organization owners and announcers.
With the recent negative press received by the positive results from former UFC fighter Chael Sonnen and the ban of Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT), the NSAC isn’t taking any more chances that their reputation will be dragged through the mud, not to mention the tarnish a scandal would cause the sport as a whole.
“We aren’t messing around anymore,” said Terry McCall, long-serving member of the NSAC. “MMA is a huge money-maker for the state and there are a lot of people looking at us to lead the way. There is no way they are going to drag us in front of a congressional committee like we’re baseball.”
The news of the mandatory drug testing has not been received well, particularly by UFC announcer and marijuana/psychedelic mushrooms/kettlebell advocate Joe Rogan or UFC owner Lorenzo Fertitta.
While Fertitta hasn’t had nearly the same level of exposure as UFC president Dana White or Rogan, he has recently taken to wearing Ed Hardy style shirts and rocking some massive arms.
The billionaire Fertitta, while barely five feet tall, has been seen in several Instagram photos and UFC weigh-ins showing off some massive steroid-looking jacked arms as well.
“It’s crazy,” said a fan at a recent event. “His forearms look like a pack of hotdogs. He looks like the white CT Fletcher.”
Rogan, ever-levelheaded and pragmatic, took to his Joe Rogan Experience podcast, blissfully bumping another Brendan Shaub interview to address the new ruling.
“Weed is not a performance enhancer and for the commission to say that an announcer, who isn’t even competing in an athletic capacity needs to be tested is just ridiculous.” Rogan then went on to discuss his years competing in Taekwondo and when he showed Georges St. Pierres his spinning side kick.
The NSAC did admit that not one single person on the board was able to look at UFC President Dana White and think for even a second that he could be using PEDs, and that he seemed way too high-strung for a habitual weed smoker.
At time of publication, the NSAC has not yet determined what the penalty for a failed test will be, but it has been suggested that it could result in a banning from the sport. Generally speaking, it seems that not a single fan of MMA cares one way or the other, as long as the UFC finally puts on an entertaining card.