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Entertainment
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Discovery Channel Preps For ‘Shark Week,’ Insists They Will Have New Information This Year

July 04, 2014

SILVER SPRING, Maryland -   For the 26th summer in a row, the Discovery Channel has begun to insist that new information has been learned about sharks, as they gear up for their annual Shark Week ...

GoAskAllison
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Go Ask Allison: My Grandma Bought Me Fake Diamonds – What A B****!

July 04, 2014

Dear Allison, It was my 21st birthday a couple days ago. The ONLY thing I asked my Nana for was a pair of diamond earrings. I don’t know how I should feel because I found out ...

Headlines
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Pope Francis Shocks The World By Opening Vatican City To Area Homeless

July 03, 2014

VATICAN CITY, Rome -  Pope Francis continued his reign of controversy last week when he officially announced in a morning mass the opening of the doors of Vatican City, including the famous Apostolic Palace, to the ...

Business
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Google Looks To Buy MySpace, Livejournal, Plans To Combine Them With Google+

July 02, 2014

MOUNTAIN VIEW, California -  Google announced this morning their intentions to buy the brands and websites of MySpace and Livejournal, as well as several other smaller, mostly defunct social media sites, to add to their Google+ environment. ...

Entertainment
empire-news-bill-clinton-hits-talk-show-circuit-to-promote-new-white-house-themed-erotica-novel

Bill Clinton Hits Talk Show Circuit to Promote New Book of White House Themed Erotica

July 02, 2014

WASHINGTON, D.C. -   Former President Bill Clinton hit the talk show circuit this week to promote his new book, a collection of White House themed erotica. Clinton's book tour actually parallels wife Hilary's, as she continues promoting ...

Headlines
empire-news-michigan-woman-arrested-for-eating-too-provocatively

Michigan Woman Arrested For ‘Eating Too Provocatively’

June 30, 2014

DEARBORN, Michigan -  Lovingly referred to as “Little Lebanon” by many of its residents due to the city's highly concentrated Lebanese population, Dearborn, Michigan was home to a rather bizarre arrest this past Saturday when Katherine Murphy, a ...

Health/Fitness
empire-doritos-impotence-chemicals-science

Researchers Find Chemical In Doritos Linked To Male Impotence

June 28, 2014

STOCKHOLM -- Swedish Researchers at the University of Stockholm released a startling report to their Parliament over the weekend linking popular american brand tortilla chip, Doritos to male impotence and a negative birthrate in Sweden. The mega-popular ...

Headlines
Empire-News-Westboro-Baptist-Church-Now-Claim-God-Hates-Jesus-Christ

Westboro Baptist Church Members Now Claiming ‘God Hates Jesus’

June 28, 2014

 TOPEKA, Kansas -  Westboro Baptist Church, everyone's favorite radical religious group, are making their presence known again across the world. Apparently, even the Son of God isn’t safe from the damnation of the Westboro Baptist family, ...

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