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melania

Melania Trump Talks About Cause She Plans To Take On During Donald’s Presidency

December 31, 2016

WASHINGTON, D.C. -  Move over Michelle Obama with your useless childhood obesity campaign - Melania Trump, future first lady, has announced her "mighty cause" that she plans to take on during Donald's time as president. "I know ...

Headlines
jesus

Confirmed: 2017 Is The Year Jesus Returns To Earth

December 31, 2016

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -  After centuries of speculation, Empire News can confirm that 2017 will be the year that Jesus finally returns to Earth. Many of his followers have been waiting a lifetime for this event, and it seems it ...

Business
hatchimals

You Won’t BELIEVE What These ‘Hatchimals’ Toys Are Saying To Kids!

December 31, 2016

BOSTON, Massachusetts -  A mother in Boston who bought each of her 7 children the year's hottest toy, a Hatchimal, says the creatures had been mostly speaking gibberish when first opened on Christmas morning, but over ...

Entertainment
simpsons

‘The Simpsons’ Creator Says Next Season Will Be Last

December 31, 2016

LOS ANGELES, California - Matt Groenig, creator of The Simpsons, says that next year will finally be the last season for the cartoon - the longest running show in prime time. "Frankly, we're all pretty bored with it. The ...

Entertainment
pizza

‘Big Fat Fabulous Life’ TV Star Has Weight Loss Journey Sabotaged By TLC

December 31, 2016

HOLLYWOOD, California - One of the stars of the TLC TV series Big Fat Fabulous Life has come forward, saying that the cable channel completely sabotaged her weight loss goals by constantly providing her with food. "I told producers ...

Business
life

Congress To Enact Laws Forcing Everyone To Carry Life Insurance

December 31, 2016

WASHINGTON, D.C. -  The government has already been forcing American citizens to carry a form of health insurance, despite rising costs and crippling debt that we're all faced with. Now, Congress plans to enact a new ...

Entertainment
fisher

Carrie Fisher’s Ghost Reportedly Spotted On Hollywood Boulevard

December 31, 2016

LOS ANGELES, California -  Star Wars fans have been hanging around Hollywood Boulevard for the last two days, after a man says he saw Carrie Fisher's ghost hanging around downtown. "It was the craziest thing I've ever ...

Education
jock

Teen Who Was a Loser in High School Now Pretentious College Student

December 30, 2016

BOISE, Idaho -  Michael Lester was a total loser in high school. He had no friends, and no girls would speak to him. After graduation last June, he wasn't invited to any parties. But thankfully for Lester, ...

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