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dolph

Dolph Lundgren To Replace Bill Nye on New Netflix TV Series

April 29, 2017

LOS ANGELES, California -  After a series of memes was released online comparing the scientific background of TV host Bill Nye ("The Science Guy") and action star Dolph Lundgren, Netflix has decided to replace Nye on ...

Health/Fitness
gender2

U.S. Government To Officially Recognize 287 Genders As Part of New Anti-Discrimination Laws

April 29, 2017

WASHINGTON, D.C. -  According to current laws, there are only two official "genders" that are legally protected in anti-discrimination laws - male and female. It would be illegal to stop a man from working at Victoria ...

Business
twitter

Twitter To Raise Character Limit To 150 So President Trump Has More Words Available To Complain

April 29, 2017

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Twitter announced today that they would be upping their character limit to 150 from 140, with specific regard to President Trump's Twitter account, saying that he deserves "a few more words" to be ...

Business
On our left, a bottle of Flint, Michigan tap water. On the right, a bottle from Mexico.

Flint, Michigan Begins Having Tap Water Imported From Mexico

April 29, 2017

FLINT, Michigan -  Residents of Flint, Michigan have begun having been having their water imported from other states for quite some time, as the situation of their own water has been disasterous. But now, some residents ...

Headlines

Babysitter Takes Acid, Eats 3-Month-Old Baby After Cooking Her In The Oven

April 29, 2017

DE SOTO, Missouri - Two Missouri parents were horrified to discover their babysitter had taken acid while watching their child, after they found the remains of their three-month-old child cooked in the oven. Police Officer Dwayne Jacobs was the ...

Weird News
gun

Man Forcibly Inserts Handgun Into Anus Because He Thinks It Is The ‘Safest Place’ To Keep It

April 28, 2017

DELUTH, Mississippi -  Dale Kyle, 40, was recently hospitalized after he says he put his 1887 Colt Peacemaker into his anus, thinking it was the "safest place" for it to be. According to doctors, Kyle put the ...

Business
united

United’s Settlement With Dr. David Dao Was Reportedly Only $800 And Free Flight

April 28, 2017

CHICAGO, Illinois -  United Airlines, who stupidly took responsibility for the treatment of unruly jerk passenger Dr. David Dao, has reportedly reached a settlement with Dao, but the outcome is not what most people expected. According to ...

Headlines
Trump1

BREAKING: Trump Impeachment Proceedings Beginning May 1

April 28, 2017

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The liberal left has been asking for his head on a stick, and it's seeming like they might get it - Donald Trump's impeachment proceedings officially begin on Monday, May 1st. "This is an ...

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