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Sports

World Cup Has Lowest Ratings in History as People Discover How Much Soccer Sucks

June 27, 2018

RUSSIA -  As the World Cup championship gets underway, the TV ratings for the sport have dwindled to record lows, with only approximately 1 out of every 3 million homes tuning in. Despite marketing the event ...

Business

Frito-Lay Announces New, Mega-Sized Doritos Chips

June 25, 2018

ATLANTA, Georgia -  Frito-Lay, the company who manufactures Doritos-brand tortilla chips, has announced that they have plans to make an excessively large chip, with plans to release it later this summer. "After a viral meme caught our ...

Business

Donald Trump Offers Roseanne a Job In The White House After Her Recent Firing From ABC

May 31, 2018

WASHINGTON, D.C. -  President Donald Trump has reportedly offered Roseanne Barr a job in his cabinet at the White House, after ABC fired Roseanne and cancelled her sitcom over racist tweets made by the comedian. President ...

Entertainment

Harvey Weinstein Reportedly Attacked, Raped in Prison While Awaiting Sentencing

May 31, 2018

NEW YORK CITY, New York -  No more than 72 hours after turning himself into authorities after allegations he sexually assaulted dozens of women of the last few decades, Harvey Weinstein has reportedly been "savagely beaten ...

Headlines

There Were No School Shootings In The United States This Week, Marking The First Time in 2018

May 31, 2018

WASHINGTON, D.C. -  For the first time since October of 2017, there were no school shootings in the entire United States this week, and police throughout the country are breathing a huge sigh of relief. "Every week, ...

Entertainment

Roseanne Just Filed a Lawsuit Against George Soros Over The Cancellation of Her Show

May 31, 2018

From Daily World Update: Roseanne Barr has just filed a suit against George Soros and ABC, claiming the liberal money machine coerced the network into canning her new show over a “misunderstood tweet.” Barr is suing ...

Entertainment

Hollywood Desperate To Find Actor Who Hasn’t Sexually Assaulted Anyone

May 30, 2018

LOS ANGELES, California -  Hollywood moguls at film studios across the city are in a "desperate search" for an actor who hasn't sexually assaulted anyone before next award's season begins, and so far, the search is ...

Headlines

BREAKING: George H.W. Bush In Hospital; Doctors Say He Won’t Last Through The Weekend

May 30, 2018

PENSACOLA, Florida -  Former President George H.W. Bush was rushed to a Florida hospital after he said he "felt dizzy" on Thursday morning, and doctors say that he may have been suffering from low blood pressure. "Honestly, ...

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