WASHINGTON, D.C. –
The political arena of the US has again been rocked by a sex scandal, this time at the highest level. Speculation has given way to fact, as President Barack Obama today confessed that he has had sex with first lady Michelle – on multiple occasions. Yet, unlike with former President Bill Clinton’s misbehavior, Obama does not appear to be abashed in the slightest, leading to criticism from conservatives around the nation.
“I’ve been sleeping with Michelle for years now,” wrote the president in a long, tedious series of twitter posts. “23 years in fact. Long before I was voted in to run this country. Long before Michelle was voted in as First Lady. Even before I was in office in Illinois. We’ve had intercourse so many times. I lost count long ago. We’re both really good at it. That is why we keep doing it. As an amoral liberal, I believe that there is nothing wrong with the president and the first lady sleeping together.”
Conservative senator and possible 2016 presidential candidate, Rand Paul, has reacted with fury at the president’s remarks.
“This is what happens when you’re too left wing!” he shouted to loud applause while visiting in Des Moines. “Suddenly it’s alright to have all kinds of disgusting affairs. It doesn’t matter that you’re a role model to the nation. Who cares? Why not have the time of your life?” the Kentucky politician scoffed.
Other critics were more concerned about issues closer to home.
“What about the children?” asked former congresswoman Michele Bachmann. “Natasha and Malia Ann will be devastated at the news that their parents have carried out such an illicit affair. It’s appalling.”
Natasha Obama, however, was more forgiving.
“Mom and Dad have been living together for a long time,” she wrote on her blog. “When you’re in such close proximity, stuff happens. It really comes as no surprise to me. Two attractive people sleeping in the same bed inevitably have sex. I watched that movie with Sandra Bullock – The Proposal I think it was called. Those two even ended up getting married.”