WASHINGTON, D.C. –
After centuries of speculation, Empire News can confirm that 2017 will be the year that Jesus finally returns to Earth.
Many of his followers have been waiting a lifetime for this event, and it seems it will be happening on January 1st.
“After a long 2016 filled with some of the most horrible things to ever happen, including Trump getting elected and the death of so many icons like David Bowie and Prince, Jesus Christ has decided that 2017 will be the year he returns to put right the things that have gone wrong,” said Jesus’ spokesman Joseph Moore.
Moore says that Jesus has been preparing his comeback tour for quite some time, but could not find a reason that people really and truly needed him to come back.
“Now that the world is turning upside down, he sees the time is right for his return,” said Moore. “Watch for a sign on January 1st. He says that the Times Square event will be one to remember, for sure.”