A Simple Solution To End Ludicrous Violence

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It comes as no surprise to anyone that our world is terribly rife with violent crime. Homicides, genocides, mass murders, and the whole bunch that continually darkens the people. For years now, the government and eager individuals have attempted to conjure countless possible solutions to gun control, or possessing less violence as a whole. Even when these attempts have been made, the issue proceeds to breathe. Very unfortunate, indeed. Lives are at stake, the 2nd Amendment is meeting controversy, and criminals are taking charge with the power of weaponry and the taste for greed, blood, and candy. Yet, I have come with a helpful solution that could solve it all.

Here is my consideration: instead of manufacturing weapons with bullets, the alternative load outs should be designed with none other than liquid. Liquid, such as water, will bring little to absolutely no lives taken. Instead of spurring out blood from the victim, laughter will be evoked. Imagine all of the SMGs, assault rifles, handguns, and whatever teenagers dream of having due to their addictions of Call of Duty and Jason Statham be turned into realistic weaponry with the inside being concealed with water, or some other liquid that can be deliciously consumed.

An anonymous group of politics have taken the idea into their hands and intend on bringing forth the idea to Congress for truthful consideration. The main issue would be the police and military forces; how would they protect us? Same deal: provide them the same liquid weaponry.

No more school shootings, no more war, no more gang fights, blood should be permanently replaced with laughter, or confusion because no one would assume that they would be shot with water guns.

I can see this as a comical notion, yet I believe that it is effective at best. Clowns, pranksters, and unnecessary YouTube stars would go either become famous or instantly go out of business. At this point, who would truly give care either way? We are trying to save lives here, people! Plus, comic weaponry (BANG! with the flag, bubbles, fireworks) would still be in existence. Let them keep that for their God blessed careers.

Finally, and wholly truthful, to whom it may concern, I am very positive about this solution. Laughter is the best medicine (aside from morphine)! Our humble children shouldn’t be witnessing spilled blood on the evening news, they should be seeing people laugh from the usage of water weaponry that are secretly intended for malice behavior. The kids do not need to know that. Let’s fix this world together!

 

George Zimmerman Announces Candidacy for Florida Governorship

TALLAHASSEE, Florida – empire-news-george-zimmerman-announces-candidacy-for-florida-governer

The 2014 race for Florida’s governorship was already predicted by political analysts to be one of the closest and most exciting of this year’s midterms. Incumbent Republican Rick Scott is one of the least popular governors in the country, and his challenger, former Republican governor turned Democrat Charlie Crist, will have to fight his image as a “flip-flopper” to win the race.

An unlikely candidate has now entered the fray: in a Monday, July 7th press conference in Orlando, Florida, George Zimmerman announced he will be running for governor of the Sunshine State.

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Zimmerman gained national attention 2 years ago for his fatal shooting of unarmed black teenager Trayvon Martin. Following the shooting, he was detained and questioned for 5 hours and then released uncharged. News of the incident spread and after 6 weeks of protest, Zimmerman was finally charged with manslaughter and second-degree murder by special prosecutor Angela Corey, who was appointed by Rick Scott to the case. On July 13, 2013, Zimmerman was acquitted on grounds of self-defense.

In his press conference, Zimmerman teased his opponent Rick Scott about their shared history:

“I bet [Governor Scott] is wishing Corey had got that conviction, because now I’m coming for his job. People are tired of the business interests that Scott represents, and they’re tired of the politics-as-usual that Crist represents. The great people of Florida want, and they deserve, refreshing new leadership. That’s what I bring to the table.”

Zimmerman will run as an Independent. He didn’t reveal much of his policy platform at Monday’s press conference, but he did assure voters that, if elected, he would do all he could to protect their 2nd amendment rights.

“Nothing is more important to me than the people of Florida being able to carry guns, shoot guns, and protect themselves in case of serious possibly harm.” Said Zimmerman in the press conference.

The effect of Zimmerman’s political ambition has been much like the fallout from the Treyvon Martin case, igniting racial and ideological tensions. Reactions in social media have been volatile to say the least.

In November, voters will decide if Zimmerman is the man they want for governor. For now, Zimmerman will make his case at a series of scheduled rallies being held in Orlando, Jacksonville, and Pensacola.

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