Police Shoot 5-Year-Old Black Child At His Birthday Party

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DETROIT, Michigan – 

A noise complaint turned deadly, when officers gunned down an unarmed 5 year old at his own birthday party. The boy’s family says race must have been a factor, as they can not see any other explanation for the tragedy.

Police say they received a complaint about children laughing and playing “too loudly.”

 

“The older children- we’d had a chance to teach them when police say ‘get on the ground’ you get on the ground, whether you’re doing anything wrong or not,” said the toddler’s mother. “He was waiving his little red fire truck in the air. They told him to put it down but he just laughed. He thought they were playing. That’s when they opened fire.”

The toddler, whose name is not being released, was shot 16 times.

“I want to tell all the parents out there of dark skinned children, no matter how safe you’re neighborhood is, no matter how clean the police record is in your city, this could happen to you. These days your children are ten times more likely to die in a race-related shooting than in a housefire. Fire drills are important, but police drills – they might save your child’s life.”

Naturally, the white cop who fired the fatal shot is out on paid leave, and is not expected to face any repercussions.

Ferguson Protestors Blocking Streets Cause Death Of Young Child

FERGUSON, Missouri – Ferguson Protestors Block Streets, Cause Death Of Young Child

A young boy has died today because Ferguson protestors were blocking streets around the city, causing an ambulance to be stuck behind several miles of traffic. Joey Goldsmith, 5, needed an emergency appendectomy, and was being transported from his home to the hospital via ambulance.

“All these stupid people, they were out in the streets, wasting their time ‘protesting’ while my son died in the back of an ambulance,” said Maria Goldsmith, Joey’s mother. “If we could have gotten to the hospital, he would have been fine. Thousands of idiots out there, thinking they were changing a damn thing, and now I’ve lost my entire world.”

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Throughout the entire country, protests based around the Michael Brown ruling have been popping up, with several arrests even being made in Boston, as well as New York during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. While the looting and riots in Ferguson have died down, the more “peaceful protests” are still going strong, but even those have been causing serious headaches throughout the city.

“I couldn’t get to work this morning because some group of do-gooders were out with their signs and megaphones, screaming and hollering. It wasn’t violent, but I’ll be damned if they didn’t hold up traffic. I was almost 2 hours late for work,” said Regina Myles, a nurse at a local hospital. “Look – it doesn’t matter which side of this cop shooting you fall on, lives are being interrupted by your ignorance. Get out of the damn streets, and do something worthwhile.”

“Well, not that anyone really cares how I feel at this point in time, but I was definitely annoyed at the amount of traffic there was,” said Officer Dylan Charles, of the Ferguson Police Department. “I mean, I’m certainly not going to say anything to these people directly, God knows what kind of shitstorm that could fire off. But really, calm down. Your protests are just dumb, and people need to be able to travel through the city without being held up. I mean for Christ’s sake, if I wanted to deal with fruitless protesting, I’d go to the Gaza Strip.”

Ferguson police say they are trying to work with the National Guard to keep protestors safe, and also keep traffic moving freely, so as not to kill anymore children or inconvenience anyone further.

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