Hollywood Desperate To Find Actor Who Hasn’t Sexually Assaulted Anyone

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LOS ANGELES, California – 

Hollywood moguls at film studios across the city are in a “desperate search” for an actor who hasn’t sexually assaulted anyone before next award’s season begins, and so far, the search is coming up short.

“We’re really digging deep into the backgrounds of everyone, and it’s so hard to find anyone who hasn’t ‘accidentally’ raped an unconscious girl, or made lewd comments at a press junket,” said a Hollywood executive who wished to go unnamed. “It’s really starting to put the fear of God into executives.”

“We absolutely have to make sure that we don’t nominate someone for an award, only to find out later that they like, molested a young boy 30 years ago, or something like that,” said a film producer for a major studio. “I mean, someone like Kevin Spacey, yeah, you kind of always thought there was something weird about him, but Morgan Freeman? Morgan fucking Freeman is being accused of lewd conduct now. My mind is blown, you can’t trust anyone.”

There has been talk by Oscar officials about whether to honor any males at the awards ceremony in 2019 at all, saying that they may just completely can the actor awards across the board, and only nominated and award women winners.

Shock-Rocker Marilyn Manson Reveals He Was Adopted, Says Nicolas Cage Is Biological Brother

Shock-Rocker Marilyn Manson Reveals He Was Adopted, Says Nicolas Cage Is Biological Brother

 

HOLLYWOOD, California –

During a shockingly candid fact-filled interview on WEMP-FM radio in Smithdale, Caifornia, 46-year-old shock-rock superstar and part-time actor Marilyn Manson, aka Brian Hugh Warner, revealed to host Metal Mike Monroe that he was adopted at the age of two from August and Joy Coppola, who are the parents of actor Nicolas Cage (born Nicolas Coppola) also making him the nephew of legendary movie director Francis Ford Coppola.

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Manson shared personal and intimate details behind the adoption.

“There was just too much talent in the family. August Ford Coppola, my biological father, was a professor of literature, and my biological mother, Joy, was a highly regarded and respected dancer and choreographer. Nick was five years older than me, and already was showing the ability and talent of a gifted actor by the time I was born,” Manson explained.

Nicolas Cage changed his last name from Coppola to Cage at an early age to avoid the appearance of nepotism, being that his uncle Francis Ford Coppola was already a legend in the Hollywood circuit.

Manson said that he became an uncontrollably evil, girl-crazed hellion when he was in his terrible-twos, and the Coppolas simply could not contain his wild streak.

“The day I turned two-years-old, my parents threw a party for me and I had got into the fridge and got one of August’s beers, and before anyone noticed, I drank the whole thing, then ran around the house ripping the diapers off of all the other toddlers at the party. All the other the parents watched the scene in shocked horror,” Manson stated. “So eventually I was adopted by the Warner family, and kept away from society most of my childhood due to my inappropriate youthful behavior – which I never grew out of by the way.”

Actor Jake Gyllenhaal To Spend Six Months In Prison Voluntarily To Research For Role As Inmate

LOS ANGELES, California – Actor Jake Gyllenhaal To Spend Six Months In Prison Voluntarily To Research For Role As Inmate

Actor Jake Gyllenhaal, known for his extensive research when preparing to portray a character, is at it again. The 34-year-old actor, who rode with third shift LAPD street cops for six months to study for his role in the 2012 drama End of Watch, lost an almost dangerous amount of weight for his role as a frail journalist in the recent sleeper hit Nightcrawler.

Apparently Gyllenhaal has taken method acting to new heights once more, as he has packed on over fifty pounds of muscle for his role as a professional boxer in the movie Southpaw, and has been granted access by warden Connie Gipson to spend six months at the notoriously violent maximum-security California State Prison known as Corcoran for his role in another new film, The Crimson Shadow.

Gyllenhaal is often referred to as one the hardest working actors in Hollywood when it comes to preparing for a role, and according to several filmmakers, he’s extremely involved in becoming his character as much as possible.

“It was Jake’s idea to spend time on the inside as a real inmate. I told him he was crazy and that they would never allow it, nor would we want him to try something so absurd,” said Crimson director Martin Scorsese. “But he went to Corcoran warden Connie Gipson, and somehow convinced her to let him spend six months just as a real prisoner would – no special treatment or anything. That boy is something else.”

Corcoran prison is known for its violent history and for housing one of the most notorious inmates of all time, Charles Manson. According to Scorsese, Gyllenhaal has also been granted the opportunity to have several meetings with Manson.

“I’m serious, Jake is hardcore. He’s going to have meetings with Charles Manson so he can get inside the mind of a killer, a criminal,” said Southpaw director Antoine Fuqua. “He actually went out and filmed car crashes and robberies when he was preparing for his role in Nightcrawler. Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if he was having sex with cowboys when he was making Brokeback Mountain, because that’s how goddamn method that guy is.”

Southpaw is scheduled for release in late 2015. Scorsese says that The Crimson Shadow begins filming as soon as Gyllenhaal is ‘released’.

PHOTO GALLERY: The Ten Ugliest Actors In Hollywood (Who Somehow Keep Getting Work)

In the world of Hollywood glitz and glamor, nothing is more important than being beautiful. Sometimes, though, a role requires a specific type, or a specific face, and that face isn’t always up to par. These 10 famous actors may not have the typical Hollywood looks, but they have gone on to make a name for themselves in the business, and are recognizable as major stars, despite their appearance.

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