Trump’s Secret Addiction EXPOSED! How The President Has Gone BANKRUPT Over Secret Purchases

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WASHINGTON, D.C. –

President Trump has made a big deal about not showing his taxes, trying desperately to hide his actual income and net worth from the public. The reason why, many have speculated, is that he not only has cheated on his taxes, but that the forms would reveal how little he actually has in income. As it turns out, that is partially correct.

Although Trump has made a fortune selling his name and branding buildings, it was also recently discovered that the world’s most powerful leader is completely and totally flat broke.

“The President has a rather extreme, but somewhat relatable addiction to buying and collecting movies,” said a source from inside the White House. “I know that seems kind of bizarre, but Trump is like a big man-child, and his love of movies is vast. He has dedicated an entire wing of the White House to his DVD and Blu-ray collection. He has approximately 89,000 movies. It’s a full time job for a team of 3 people to organize and alphabetize his collection.”

According to the source, Trump spends nearly $30 million a year on his movie collection, and lately that number has increased, as he spends more and more on high-priced, out of print collectible copies, and on newer and more expensive titles, such as those that are being released in 4K high definition. For someone who was reportedly worth billions only a decade ago, the collection has slowly killed his net worth.

“The President has a problem, and it’s coming to a point where someone needs to have an intervention with him, but no one knows how,” said the source. “He’s out of control. On Black Friday, where sales are at their best, he went out and bought almost 100 new movies in one day. Then, just because that kick-started the buying bug, he ordered another 270 movies on Cyber Monday. The guy has a problem, and it’s killing us all.”

Uber Driver Charges A Passenger $14,000 For A Two Block Ride

Uber Driver Charges A Passenger $14,000 For A Two Block Ride

 

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania – 

A women is attempting to sue the driving services company Uber after she claims she was charged way too much for a short drive. Melissa Green, age 26, is furious with the company, and claims she will go bankrupt because of them.

The incident occurred on a rainy day in Philadelphia, when Melissa was walking to work and forgot her umbrella. She noticed on her Uber app that their was a driver on the same block as her, and decided to get a fast ride to work. What happened next she says she never saw coming.

“I just jumped in the car and told the driver I was just a few blocks down. I was soaked, and in a rush to make it to work on time. I had him swipe my card and asked the total, he said it would only be ‘about 14.’ That’s a little higher than normal for a short drive, but as I said, I really needed to get to work quickly,” said Green.

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The next day she got a call from her bank, asking if she noticed any unusual activity in her account, and they informed her that she had over drafted by several thousand dollars.

“When they told me this, I thought my identity was stolen – until they told me that the big charge was for Uber – $13,850. The banker even laughed, and said that I must have taken a very long trip. I told them it was mistake, and they told me they would contact the company,” said Green. “They figured maybe the driver punched in the wrong amount, trying to charge $13.85.”

Unfortunately for Green, Uber claims it was no mistake, and that when they contacted the driver, he had assured them that he explained the charge in advance.

“Drivers are allowed to charge whatever they’d like, and at that moment, I felt like charging that uppity-bitch a ton of money,” said the anonymous driver. “She was rude, hopped into my car soaking wet, talked on her phone the whole time in a loud, obnoxious voice, and then had the audacity to not even say thank you. She’s lucky I didn’t charge her more.”

Green is currently taking the company to court in hopes that the issue will be resolved.

“It is ridiculous, if you can’t trust a random person with your money then who can you trust?” said Green. “Needless to say, he’s only getting a 2-star review from me. Despite the charge, he did come really quickly. He also drives a Lexus. Extra star for class, I always say.”

 

Oprah Winfrey Files For Bankruptcy

CHICAGO, Illinois – Oprah Winfrey Files For Bankruptcy

One of the most powerful women in show business has reportedly filed for bankruptcy. Oprah Winfrey – who just two years ago was worth an estimated $2.9 billion dollars – is now almost penniless, according to insiders.

“Poor financial decisions, poor political decisions, and now she’s just poor,” said Financial guru Max Manel. ”Her biggest downfall by far is her O Network. Ever since its conception, it’s been a giant money pit. Instead of just admitting failure and moving on, Oprah has been pouring millions more of her own money back in just to keep it on the air.”

“She also has made, multiple times, the poor decision of thinking she could be a political-backing powerhouse,” said analyst Connie Murphy. “Oprah has been wasting millions backing democrats on everything from small, local elections, to almost single-handedly funding both of Barack Obama’s campaigns.”

“She, like many people, really feels a need to be loved by everyone,” said Oprah’s close friend, Mary Williams. “Her self-esteem is horrible. All the expensive gifts she gave away on her talk show were just to get people to like her. Oprah buys people’s love with cash and presents. Until the O Network launched, and immediately bottomed out, she could afford to give out lavish gifts. But because of the complete failure of the network, plus the millions of dollars in cars, boats, trips, and every other ridiculous thing she gave away on TV, she’s just left broke.”

“It’s sad, so sad to watch,” said an anonymous intern at the O Network. “All she does is eat Bon-Bon’s and ice cream. Now that she’s broke, no one returns her phone calls. She watches E! News and sees Beyoncé and Jay-Z at parties with President Obama, and cries because she wasn’t invited, too. So, so sad.”

Oprah reportedly had no public comment on her bankruptcy.

 

Netflix Files For Bankruptcy, Claims They Can’t Compete With Piracy ‘Industry’

LOS GATOS, California – Netflix Files For Bankruptcy, Claims They Can't Compete With Piracy 'Industry'

The company that almost single-handily took down Blockbuster and every Mom & Pop video store in the country is now on its way out the door as well. Netflix has announced that they have filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy, and will be shutting down most of their services by the end of the year. Having already mostly abandoned their original model of DVDs-By-Mail, the company says the amount of illegal downloads from peer-to-peer file sharing sites has put the final nail in the coffin for the once-powerhouse movie provider.

“When we started, this system was gold, but now people can get their content anywhere,” said Carl Kazaa, CEO of Netflix. “With the leak of The Expendables 3 a few weeks ago cutting massively into the profits of the film’s box office take, we realized that customers don’t care about 99% of the films we have streaming at all. They want new films, movies that aren’t even released to theatres yet. They can’t wait anymore. They just can’t wait. A subscriber will drop us the second they discover they can get a movie free from the bowels of the internet. Especially if it’s a film we don’t have available.”

The Expendables 3, the PG-13 action film starring Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham, had a near-DVD quality copy of the movie leak to the internet almost a full month before the film hit theatres. The film has performed poorly at the box office in comparison to its previous films, and many studio insiders blame the leak, and illegal downloads and streams, for the poor ticket sales.

“We were charging such a low amount of money for our service, but spending hundreds of millions of dollars to get these old movies. I love films like Commando, The Stupids, and The Shaggy Dog, but people weren’t watching them,” said Netflix CFO Paul Bay. “We spent $40 million dollars to get the rights to stream all the Indiana Jones films, but people aren’t even watching those movies – and they’re classics! We should have just been a TV-streaming service. That’s where we make our money.”

Netflix had a small influx in subscribers after shows like House of Cards and Orange is the New Black caught people’s attention. The lower-budget, in-house productions made money for Netflix, because they weren’t having to buy the rights at a marked-up price from other companies.

“Sadly, even House of Cards is one of the most illegally downloaded shows on the internet right now,” said Kazaa. “If you search for ‘House of Cards+Torrent’ on Google, you get almost 3 million results. It’s sad that people would rather steal our content than just pay the $9.99 a month, but apparently that’s how it goes.”

The company plans to re-sell the streaming rights they have purchased to their films, with most contracts running out sometime in 2016, to other companies that offer similar services, including Hulu and Amazon.

“We are extremely excited to snag all of Netflix’s mediocre film and awesome TV content at a discounted rate,” said Tom Rent, marketing director at Amazon. “Piracy and illegal downloads haven’t hit us too hard, but again, we’re not a one-trick pony. We have all this media streaming, but we’re also the biggest online retailer on the planet, so we’re not hard-up for subscribers or anything.”

“With websites like ThePirateBay ‘releasing’ movies days, weeks, and occasionally months before they are available anywhere else, we just couldn’t keep competing,” said Kazaa. “It’s a sad truth. People want their content yesterday, and they can’t keep waiting for it. The binge-watching that we’ve created with shows has put people into a frenzy of ‘need it now,’ and they’ve proven that what they need isn’t necessarily something they want to pay for.”

 

Bill Gates Files For Chapter 7 Bankruptcy

SEATTLE, Washington – bill gates files for chapter 7 bankruptcy

One of the richest men to ever walk the planet has fallen on some very hard times lately after sales of some Microsoft flagship products, including the XBox One and the Microsoft Surface, have severely underperformed.

With a net-worth of $76 billion dollars, Bill Gates was thought to be hands-down in great shape finically, but recent  reports are that Gates has secretly filed for bankruptcy. News hit the media this morning, and Gates’ accountants and investors are scrambling to figure out where everything went wrong.

He may have some overseas accounts, claim some investors, but nothing is certain at this moment.

A man who single-handedly built, scratched, scraped, and stole to build such a powerful company – and gained a lot of money by doing so – is looking at losing it all. This mean his homes, private helicopters, and perhaps even his company.

A financial advisor, who does not work for Gates, had some theories as to the downfall of such a massive fortune.

“I think it was pretty much all the lousy products they’ve put out in the last couple years,” said Myles Kennefic, a Wall Street financier. “Windows 8, the new video game system, and the Surface Tablet – oh God, the Surface – it’s like Gates couldn’t catch a break. Even putting the Start Menu back into Windows couldn’t save his fortune.”

Microsoft’s stock was apparently unaffected by the announcement. Gates himself didn’t seem to worried, posing for pictures with fans outside of his attorney’s office.

“Minor setback, no big deal,” Said Gates. “I might not have billions of dollars laying around anymore, but I am sure I won’t be going hungry any time soon, don’t worry.”

 

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