Teen Violently Disfigured After Glass Bong Explodes, Rips Off Face

DENVER, Colorado –

A 16-year-old teenage girl has reportedly been hospitalized after a bong she was smoking marijuana out of exploded, causing severe damage to her face.

“My daughter was told not to smoke the weed, but she didn’t listen, and now her beautiful face is gone,” said the teen’s mother. “I wish that I had been a better parent and paid more attention to her. She only started smoking weed because I worked so much, and now she’s going to be disfigured. I blame myself. I blame myself!”

Doctors say that this is the 12th bong explosion incident since Colorado legalized marijuana two years ago.

“We have seen, too often, these explosions of marijuana bongs. Teens do not seem to realize how volatile and dangerous smoking ganja can be, especially when smoking out of a giant piece of glass,” said Dr. Emile Jones. “In this specific situation, the girl’s face has been almost entirely removed. It will take years for skin grafting to be completed, and she will definitely never be sexy again.”

The unnamed teen’s parents are urging anyone who smokes to stop as soon as possible.

“Never light the bong again, or your face could also be ripped away,” said the teen’s father. “This is the most depressing thing to ever happen to anyone ever. Please learn from my daughter’s mistakes and put down the pot.”

DENVER, Colorado –

Don’t let your half-baked idea land you in the hospital. Mica Dorsey required emergency surgery to remove glass that had broken off in his urethra.

The man admitted to it was not the first time he engaged in “urethral play,” which is a fetish involving insertion of hard or soft objects into the urethra during masturbation. Dorsey’s object of choice was a glass bong slide.

After applying pressure to his shaft he felt a sharp pain followed by blood. Upon removing the glass tube he realized the end had shattered, and amazingly was able to drive himself to the hospital.

Although most people would be too ashamed to admit this publically, Dorsey talks openly about his experience. “People do a lot of shit behind closed doors, and I just want anyone thinking about doing this to know the dangers. I don’t want to see this happening to anyone else, and no I wasn’t even stoned, actually.”