President Obama Criticized as ‘Unpatriotic’ for Skipping Breakfast

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President Obama Criticized as 'Unpatriotic' for Skipping Breakfast

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

The President sparked controversy once again last Thursday with actions causing some to question if he’s truly fit to continue holding office. What seemed like a harmless interview quickly turned into a dramatic scandal. The interviewer, who chooses to remain anonymous, came forth to explain the incident.

“I was just asking routine, nonsense icebreaker questions – you know, like stuff about his dogs or sports. Then I asked what his favorite breakfast was.”

His answer to that question shocked the world.

“When I found out that he doesn’t usually eat breakfast I was so disgusted that I just got up and left,” the interviewer said.

Since details of the exchange have been released, people have been wondering: should such an unpatriotic – bordering on anarchic – person be our president? Breakfast, which has been part of American culture since colonial times, has become a symbol for the nation’s strength, unity, and wholesome virtues.

United States Senator John McCain, Obama’s opponent in the 2008 elections, made light of the situation while also reminding the country of what they could have had. He Instagrammed Perpetua-filtered photos of his extremely patriotic bacon-eggs-and-toast breakfast, then tweeted:

“Breakfast every day. #justsaying #betterlucknexttime #2016”

Some groups have pointed towards Obama’s anti-breakfast policy as an opportunity for change – which was the theme of his campaign.

“Maybe we don’t need breakfast every day,” one supporter commented, “just like we don’t need racism and same-sex marriage bans.”

Obama supporters urge people to have an open mind and consider how necessary tradition really is. On the other hand, millions of people are still outraged, citing tradition as one of the most important parts of culture. Furthering the nationwide anger is the President’s decision to ignore this pressing issue to focus on lesser matters such as ISIS and the national budget, likely because he is in his second term and not concerned with reelection, experts say.

Mother Accidentally Feeds Foot Skin Scrapings To Young Children

FAIRFIELD, New Jersey – Mother Accidentally Feeds Foot Skin Scrapings To Young Children

By now, most people have seen the commercial for the Pedi-Pod, the egg-shaped foot scraper used to remove cracked and calloused skin from dry feet.  Busy working Mom Danielle Forbes, 24, wishes she had never seen or heard of the product, and for good reason.

Forbes was busy with her hectic morning routine – waking and feeding her 2 children, preparing breakfast for herself and her husband, and getting herself out the door, all before 8:30 a.m.

“My 3-year-old Danni is allergic to eggs,” said Forbes, “so I have to make her breakfast separately from Donny’s.”  Donny, 5, loves eggs and asks for them every day at breakfast.  “I only used powdered eggs for Donny, too, because of Danni’s allergy so I don’t have to worry. Once I found out about these powdered, ‘fake’ eggs, everyone was happy.”

Everyone was happy up until one morning last week, that is.

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“I got distracted because Danni was running a fever, so I had to cancel her pre-school, scramble to find a babysitter, plus I was trying to make breakfast at the same time. Then I picked up what I thought was the powdered eggs…”  The powdered egg product, which is made from all-natural products, is called Shake An Egg, and also comes packaged in an egg-shaped capsule that closely resembles the Ped Pod.  “I dumped it in the frying pan with some milk and butter for Donny, all while keeping an eye on Danni.”

Danielle explained that she had used the Ped Pod the night before in the living room, and Donny, fascinated with what he thought was a toy, must have brought it into the kitchen.

“The next thing I remember,” said Danielle, “is that my phone rings at work and it’s the school nurse saying Donny was throwing up in class.  So I took an early lunch hour to pick him up and drop him back at home with the babysitter, and that’s when I saw the Ped Pod next to the frying pan.”

Danielle quickly put the pieces together.  “I almost threw up myself,” she said. “To think that I fed my son the dry cracked skin that came off my feet is something that will haunt me forever. My feet have been places he certainly doesn’t need to eat the remnants of.”

Will Danielle use the Ped Pod again?  “Maybe, I don’t know.  Every time I look at it I get nauseous. But it does work.  Eventually, I guess I’ll have to,” she admitted, rubbing her ankle. “It really makes my tired feet super smooth.”

Danielle hasn’t told Donny exactly what made him sick, fearing that if she did, he would become sick all over again.  “I’ll tell him someday, but it will have to be a long way off.  Someday when we can all look back at this and laugh,” she said. “In the mean time, I’ll just start giving them all some Cap ‘n’ Crunch.”

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