Man Commits Suicide After Losing Wi-Fi Connection For 25 Minutes

LAREDO, Texas –

A Laredo family is in mourning today after a young man took his life late Friday evening. Tom Brink, 24, hung himself from the rafters of his home, leaving behind a note for his loved ones detailing his spiral into depression.

“I can’t believe this I spend so much money on my internet and it goes down all the time. I can’t take it anymore, it has been about 25 minutes now, and still no connection. I lived a great life, but I don’t want to live in a world were I can’t come home and watch my favorite TV shows on Netflix, or check my Facebook feed and just unwind a bit. I just got to the end of Breaking Bad and my connection kicked off right during the cliffhanger. I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry.”

Brink’s mother Mary remembers Tom as an easy going person who never let drama get into his life. She told us that she was completely blind-sided by his death and would never expect her son to do such a thing because he had a lot of things going his way.

“He just got a new job, and he was going to be making over 6-figures,” said Mary. “He had the whole world at his fingertips. His girlfriend was beautiful and smart, he had a new puppy named Gremlin, and he even was looking into buying a home. I cannot believe that he’s gone. The internet is a foul, evil place, but not having it is even worse.”

Mary Bring is urging parents to make sure their children are raised with strong Wi-Fi connections, and to make sure that their kids know that there are more options in life than just watching videos on the internet, such as TV on DVD or even old VHS tapes.

Representatives for Brink’s internet service say that there was no issue with the service on their end, and Brink more than likely would have been able to reset his connection by unplugging his router, waiting 30 seconds, and plugging it back in.

DALLAS, Texas –

Just a few short days ago on December 17th, DeMarco Murray entered a Dallas hospital to have a routine surgery on his ring finger, which was broken during a winning game against the Philadelphia Eagles in week 15. What should have been an easy fix that had Murray back on the field, possibly within days, has become a the player’s worst nightmare, and has left him incapable of ever playing again.

According to reports from Sports News Nightly, Murray’s surgeons accidentally mixed up his charts with that of another patient at the hospital, and when Murray was brought into the operating room, doctors amputated his entire right hand.

“This is extremely, extremely tragic,” said the Dean of Medicine for Dallas Memorial Hospital, Mark Houston. “DeMarco Murray was admitted to our hospital for a routine surgery that would set and fix his broken finger. Unfortunately, during admittance, his medical charts were mixed with those of another gentleman, who was also admitted at that time, and was having his hand amputated. We are truly, truly sorry for the mix-up. That is all I can say at this point, pending possible legal issues.”

Dallas spokesman Greg Turf said that Murray and the team were completely heartbroken.

“You know, it’s all just part of life’s plan, I guess,” said Murray, with a smile. “How can you really be mad? So I’ll never play again. So I’ll never go long for a pass again. What can you do, you know? Sure, I could take the hospital for everything they’re worth, but it’s only money, right? It’s all just another step towards the inevitable, anyway.” Doctors say that Murray is on extreme amounts of morphine, and that the drug often times creates a feeling of euphoria.

In a bizarre twist, the patient who was scheduled to have the amputation had his finger worked on by surgeons, and a blood clot that had been causing extreme pain in his hand – and, in fact, was the reason for the original need for the amputation – was cured completely.