HOLLYWOOD, California –
In news that will excite music fans from the 60s-through-80s, the remaining members of the Jackson 5 have announced that they will reunite, touring with Bruno Mars on lead vocals, as well as a hologram of deceased member Michael Jackson.
“We’re all very excited about this,” said Jermaine Jackson, who has only recently re-entered the music scene. “Once Michael died, we thought it was over. And when Randy vowed never to sing with us again, it seemed all but impossible. But Michael is still with us, if only technologically, and Bruno could pass for one of us. Yeah, he’s not really black, but white people won’t know the difference. Never have before.”
Michael Jackson’s hologram, in its first ever statement to the press, agreed with Jermaine’s assessment.
“Back in the day there were purists, who only wanted to hear the original five,” the Hologram said. “Those people are all either dead or too old to care. I’m the only one that people remember by now, anyway. Even I can’t remember the others’ names offhand – I have to search the database Google installed in place of a mind every time I need to make reference to them.”
Bruno Mars blogged his excitement at the privilege of joining the five, saying that he believed it was down to the success of Mark Ronson’s smash hit, “Uptown Funk.”
“I look so cool in that video. I watch it every day, checking out the moves I never knew I had. The King of Pop himself would be envious, if his hologram could experience human feelings.”
The five are expected to start touring in early May, following the three months necessary to teach the hologram to moonwalk.
