Father Makes Cookies Shaped Like Penises For Daughter’s School Bake Sale

DETROIT, Michigan –

Local man Albert Farnsburn found himself in hot water after he sent his daughter to school with inappropriately shaped cookies. The baked goods were brought to Farnsburn’s daughter’s second-grade class, and caused quite a stir according to the faculty.

“It was certainly not something any of us were expecting to see when we came into work, that’s for sure,” said Vice Principle of Sequoia grade school, Denise Clammoth. “I’m not sure what possessed him to do it. These children already have a world full of vice and inappropriate behavior. It’s sad to see when a parent cannot keep to a higher standard of tactfulness.”

Farnsburn has maintained the situation was all a giant misunderstanding. He stated that the cookies were meant to be sent to his wife’s book-club gathering as a lighthearted joke.

“Look, I would never knowingly send my daughter to school with those cookies. It was simply a mistake,” said the father. He continued, “Every parent knows how the morning can be a blur. I simply picked up the wrong Tupperware container.”

Farnsburn explained the shape itself was originally a mistake that he was trying to make turn into a worthwhile goof. After making a successful first batch of treats, the father flubbed the second batch.

“They were supposed to be Eiffel tower cookies. I guess I got the batch wrong and they all came out looking like…. well like mens’ privates.”

Fanrsburn then decided that the cookies should not go to waste and would be a funny treat for his wife’s all-womens book-club meeting. Fanrsburn unfortunately picked up the wrong container on his way out of the house, and his daughter ended up brandishing 35 brightly colored cock-cookies at her class party.

Some parents aren’t so sure about the excuse. Said one parent “I understand that a series of unfortunate circumstances could cause a mix up…. but this is the third time he’s done this.”

GREENWAY, New Jersey –

Michael Vick and five others were taken into custody for questioning today as State Troopers and FBI agents raided the Vick estate in Greenway, New Jersey, breaking up was is thought to be the largest cockfighting ring in the North East. Betting notebooks, several cocks, and many stacks of cash were taken in as evidence.

“It’s all cool, it’s no big deal. I can understand why a few people got upset with the whole dog fighting thing, but this is nothing like that. I mean, it’s just cocks, it’s not serious,” said Vick as he was taken into custody. ”No cocks got wasted in this house. We’ve had plenty of cocks in and out around here – most of the cocks weren’t harmed, and all of the cocks gave everyone involved a lot of pleasure. Betting on the cocks was just fun amongst some friends.”

“After receiving several tips, we decided to put the Vick estate under surveillance. After several weeks, we decided to make our move today,” said Special Agent Debbie Drake. “We have more than enough evidence, and there’s no doubt in my mind that Vick was the cock ringleader. I can’t believe how many cocks we found here. Personally, I’ve never seen so many cocks. I think Michael Vick must have been holding other men’s cocks here at his house. The ASPA will be taking them in, so there’s no doubt the cocks will be in good hands. Two people we expected to find here today are Peter North and Ron Jeremy, two reported ‘big shots’ in the underground world of cocks. Arrest warrants for them have been issued.”