Priest Filmed Taking Part In Sexual Activities In Confession Booth Given Two Week Suspension

ALBANY, New York –

A catholic priest, Father Paul Michael Harrison, has been suspended for two weeks after being filmed taking part in sexual activities in a confessional at the Holy Cathedral Heart of Mary Catholic Church in downtown Albany, New York.

The church released a statement and provided details of the “sinful and unethical” acts committed by Harrison to the public this afternoon. Sister Marilyn Abagail Swain, head nun at the church said that she was emailed video of Harrison and a female taking part in a ‘crude act’ inside the church’s confession booth, and that upon inspection of the booth, she found Harrison had cut a slot into the partition which separates the priest and the person confessing.

“Father Harrison has been suspended for two weeks by the church for having oral sex with a woman through what I’m told is called a glory hole. The woman, Melissa White, emailed several videos of herself and Father Harrison taking part in the acts on several occasions. We at Holy Cathedral of Mary wish to maintain the church’s integrity, while still offering the reverend unconditional forgiveness,” Sister Swain said in an email sent out to members of the church.

“I just thought that I should confess what happens in that confessional,” said White. “I didn’t think I could keep going in there, over and over, week after week, and sucking off a priest, without telling someone else. I thought if I went back on a different day, I could maybe get another priest, but I figured he might just talk me into giving him a beej, too. So, filming it and sending it to the church seemed like the better option.”

A friend of White’s, who wished to remain anoynmous, says that the White had started going to the church only recently, to confess about her addiction to frequently performing oral sex on strangers.

LOS ANGELES, California –

There has been an outpouring of fan support for singer-songwriter and Grammy nominee Sam Smith, after he confessed earlier this week to actually being a middle-aged black man. The admission came after months of speculation, founded mainly on the assessment of vocal experts who expressed scepticism that Smith was young and white.

“There are certain tonalities, which…well, if you’re not a middle-aged black man, are almost impossible,” said Mike Cohen, long-time writer for Rolling Stones magazine. “In all my years in the business, I have never heard a voice like his come from anywhere but the mouth of an African American, usually over the age of forty.”

Another source, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted that his suspicions were already confirmed when he saw the crooner performing at a recent concert.

“Maybe a white guy could pull that off,” he said. “But it would be unnatural. You’d know by the contortions of his lips that that was not his natural voice. Sam’s voice, however, flows from his tongue like warm honey, as if it was born there. It left me no doubt that the man on stage was black.”

Many of his long-time followers have stated that they “already knew,” and were leaving it to him to decide when to expose his secret. They further said that they supported his choice – that “what he does with his skin color and age is his choice, and [they’ll] love him no matter what”.

A minority of fans, however, are expressing their anger and disappointment on YouTube videos of the admittedly aging star. They say that they feel betrayed, like everything he claimed to be was a lie. Some went so far as to decry his revelations as unnatural, and against the word of God.

“It’s pretty obvious that he’s not only a fraud, but a sick pervert,” said one angry youth. “What kind of a person leads people on like that, causing them to love him, and then breaking their hearts with this deviant lifestyle?”

Sam Smith used his Twitter account to express his gratitude to those who have supported him, and to affirm that, at the very least, he is actually gay – so there’s that to hang onto.