WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

The FDA has reportedly ordered a recall over over 200 million gallons of milk released by several major, national dairy brands after their product tested positive for human semen.

“During a normal, routine check by members of the FDA, we found that at not one, not two, but five major milk processing plants, the product was positive for containing human semen,” said FDA spokesmen Joe Goldsmith. “Normally, the FDA allows for some contamination to take place for products labeled for human consumption, but we do draw the line at this level of contaminants.”

Goldsmith says that he is “not at liberty” to divulge which companies were part of the recall, but said that he could say that the amount of semen found was “unsettling.”

“For us to even catch this level of contamination, it had to be an obscene amount,” said Goldsmith. “And remember, too, that this was not just at one location by one company. This was at several locations owned by 5 major dairy brands. This was a lot of employees with a lot of built-up sexual tension, here.”

Goldsmith says there is no way of knowing how many contaminated products had gone out, or for how long the semen may have been showing up in the milk.