Congress Pushes For Ban On Alcohol Consumption On New Year’s Eve

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WASHINGTON, D.C. –  alcohol ban

If you were looking to hit your favorite local hotspot for a drink or two on New Year’s Eve, it’s very possible that you might have to change your plans.

In an effort to curb drunk driving accidents and deaths, which are higher on New Year’s Even and early New Year’s Day than at any other point in the year, the United States Congress is seeking to pass a law that would outlaw the public consumption of alcohol on those two days of the year.

“No one is saying that you can’t have private parties, and that you can’t drink at home and have a celebration,” said Congressman George Flint (R-GA), who is spearheading the bill. “There is nothing wrong with a glass of champagne and a toast to the new year. There is, however, something wrong with the thousands upon thousands of violent car crashes and the hundreds of preventable deaths that happen every year on New Year’s Eve as a result of excessive alcohol consumption.”

Flint says that he is finding support among other members of congress, who also see the dangers in allowing heavy alcohol consumption leading into the new year.

“We are fighting hard to save lives,” said Flint. “It is for the protection of the people – it is for your own good – that we enact a law like this to prevent the senseless loss of life.”

According to inside reports, the law has a very good chance of passing, although there is concern that people may still drive drunk when leaving their homes, or leaving a friend’s home, after a party.

“If we can even stop one person from being killed who would have been driving home while annihilated drunk from their local bar, then this law will have succeeded,” said Flint. “We know what is best for everyone, and we will do what we can to protect the people from themselves.”

“If I didn’t fear some sort of cruel, government retaliation, I’d tell them to go straight to hell with this bullshit law,” said bar owner Joe Goldsmith, of Phoenix, Arizona. “Maybe I’ll just close the bar for the night, and have it be for a ‘private party’ or something. If people want to drink, I’ll damn sure find a way to make it happen.”

 

Town Legalizes Drunk Driving In Effort To Curb Population Growth

WADDERTON, Kentucky – Town Legalizes Drunk Driving In Efforts To Create Curb Population Growth

Wadderton recently passed a reform that eliminates the below .08 blood alcohol level requirement for motorists that decide to partake in alcoholic beverages prior to getting behind the wheel. The town says the reason for the change is a simple one, and something they believe is very important – population control.

Rick Wheeler, the mayor of Wadderton, explained the reform to a Louisville news affiliate. “We are a simple town, full of simple folks; our population has been under 4,000 for several decades. It’s fair to say we have not seen a population over 4,000 since the great town of Wadderton was established in the eighteen hundreds.”

Wheeler, who has been the mayor of Wadderton for 14 years, went on to explain, “Wadderton’s population has exploded throughout 2014. We starting seeing the growth towards the beginning of the year, when folks from the big cities within Kentucky started moving to Wadderton to escape the state’s mounting real-estate market. “

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According to the mayor the small town initially welcomed the new residents however quickly decided they were unwelcome. Wheeler said “We are good folks and were brought up to be welcoming to strangers; however these city slickers had no respect for the way of life around here.” The mayor claims that the new residents looked down upon the existing citizens and attempted to make “big changes” including opening a Starbucks and building a cell phone tower.

Mayor Wheeler explains how the new reform ties into Wadderton’s population boom, “We have tried everything, we spent a few weeks trying to play nice, we spent months giving them a small town cold shoulder, we even tried to run them out of town by refusing them service at local diner, dry cleaner, and post office, nothing worked on these city slickers!”

According to Wheeler, after the town exhausted all of their outlets they had to get creative, and knew they had to make some changes. “We finally realized if we couldn’t get them city slickers to leave willingly, our only option was to change how we did everything. This is just another version of population control. These big city folks like to wet their whistle just as much as we do, maybe even more, and we are hoping that all of the lethal car accidents caused by our legalizing drunk driving will put a large dent in the town’s growing numbers.”

When asked about the potential impact this reform will have on Wadderton’s legacy population, Mayor Wheeler responded, “Of course we will lose some of our best citizens in these fiery accidents, however at this point it’s just part of doing business.”

Though the majority of the U.S. is frowning upon the reform, it’s been said that several other small towns are going to be playing close attention to the outcome in order to see how it could possibly work for them.

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