‘Star Wars: Episode VII’ Will Have Darth Vader Reveal That He’s Also Luke’s Mother

'Star Wars: Episode VII' Will Have Darth Vader Reveal That He’s Also Luke’s Mother


A GALAXY, Far Far Away – 

Although the original Star Wars trilogy revealed the fate of antagonist Darth Vader, and the prequel trilogy showed his extensive backstory, writers for the next episode of the franchise have hinted that flashbacks to Vader’s lifetime will reveal new and exciting information. One of the foremost reports states that Darth Vader reveals himself to Luke as, not only his father, but his mother as well.

“The interplay between Luke and Anakin Skywalker is some of the most classic cinema in our country’s history,” said Harry Mandable. “It’s vital that that returns in Disney’s take on the Star Wars universe. That’s why it’s encouraging to hear that Vader’s motherhood is examined in the next film. It is perhaps the only thing lacking from the original trilogy.”

Speculation indeed ran rife that Vader was Luke’s mother ever since the famous scene in which he tells Luke he is his father. Lukesmom.org, a fansite dedicated to the theory, explains that the backstory of Luke’s mother, Padme Amidala, is slightly blurry throughout. She is the secret wife of Anakin Skywalker, but that does not explain why neither Luke nor his sister Princess Leia do not have exactly the same eyes as her.

“If you watch all six movies very carefully, you see the occasional allusion to it,” said professional Star Wars analyst, Richie Prince. “For example, that time when Luke says, ‘My father, mother’ without saying and in between. And also, when Vader tells Luke that he is his father, he never says, ‘but not your mother’. So actually it’s pretty clear that something’s going on there.”

Creator of the franchise, George Lucas, has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors. Rather, he has stated that everyone should “calm the fuck down and wait for the movies. Jesus, it’s not like this is real life or anything. Vader is Luke’s mother if I decide one day that I want that to happen. That’s why it’s called a movie and not called something that’s happening on a distant star right now.

Christian Groups Outraged By New ‘Star Wars’ Trailer, Plan National Boycott Upon Release

HOLLYWOOD, California – Christian Groups Outraged By New 'Star Wars' Trailer, Plan National Boycott Upon Film's Release

Christian groups and religious families have been publicly shunning the new Star Wars movie, and it doesn’t even hit theatres for over a year. Many devout, religious people are complaining that a single, quick image from the trailer is proof that the movie’s director, J.J. Abrams, as well franchise owners Disney, are out to promote the worship of Satan.

“It’s disgusting, truly an outrage,” said Peggy Lewis, a member of the group Christians Against Everything. “Did you see the filth they’re portraying in that commercial? It’s bad enough that they’re enticing kids with ‘the dark side’ and violence, but one of the characters in the movie is carrying an inverted cross as a weapon. And it’s a fiery red! The movie promotes Hell and Satan!”

In the film’s trailer, a Sith is seen carrying a lightsaber, the popular weapon of choice for the Jedi characters as well as their rivals, with “spokes” that come out of either side of the handle.

“I mean come on,” said Richard Sweat, co-founder of the religious group Christians United, Never Torn, an extremely religious group of parents who help to promote Jesus and the gospel through family film and music. “It’s clearly Satanic imagery. As it is, lightsabers were always extremely phallic, and as we all know anything long and phallic is automatically gay. Now the lightsabers are gay and anti-God! There will be a massive boycott of this film from every good Christian in American when it comes out.”

“I have no idea what the big deal is,” said Abrams, director of blockbuster films such as Star Trek and Super 8. “Disney isn’t really known for being anti-Christian, and there’s no way that they’d allow that sort of imagery into the movie. Perhaps people should wait and see [the movie] before they make judgements on whether it’s good, bad, Satanic, gay, or whatever. Yes, we’ve got new characters, and yes they have new weapons. Yes, we’ve got a black storm trooper. My God, everyone – it was a teaser trailer. Just wait and see what happens!”

Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens is scheduled for release in December, 2015.

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