CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida –
NASA officials have made the unprecedented announcement regarding the transition a large sum of funds from space exploration to a more terrestrial endeavor. In a recent press release, the plan was made clear. “We have decided to move funds from space exploration to study Bruce Jenner.”
Officials at the National Aeronautics and Space Association stated that the move was decided after a series of groundbreaking feats went relatively unnoticed by the US public. According to officials, NASA must remain more mindful of its popularity to retain funding. Thus, drastic steps must be made to stay in the limelight.
“We simply have to stay relevant to today’s society. In order to do so, we have to be aware of what is popular – what fascinates people,” said Mission Director J.D. Harrington. “What fascinates people right now is Bruce Jenner.”
Jenner recently made waves regarding his interest in transforming into a woman. NASA officials made it clear that their funding the exploration of the former Olympic star were not an unfocused mocking, but instead a true scientific endeavor.
“This isn’t a cheap ploy at all. Nor is it an attempt to demean the transgender community,”
Harrington explained firmly. “The fact is, plenty of people are interested in this. Many are unaware of the transgender process or how it works. In a lot of ways it is more mysterious than space, and NASA has the funds to study this situation and process.”
When asked about the recent finding of Ceres, a dwarf planet in the solar system, as well as the landing on the Rosetta Comet, Harrington was once again frank.
“Sure, we found a new planet-sized object in the asteroid belt. And yes, we landed a machine on a [expletive] asteroid. But no big deal. It’s clear the two most talked about spherical objects in our solar system are on Jenner’s chest. So I guess we’ll just need to study those. Why not cover something that costs less money and seems to interest people?”
NASA has scrapped an upcoming mission to Venus in order to send a probe to orbit Jenner for six weeks. The shuttle is set to launch early next month, weather permitting.