Scientist Officially Proves That Global Warming is a Hoax


CONCORD, New Hampshire – 

Chester Miller, who has been studying the effects of global warming for nearly 20 years, says that he has finally found conclusive proof that the phenomenon is completely and totally bogus.

“I have been looking into the effects of global warming, and can conclusively say that the world is not warmer at all,” said Miller. “I had been waiting and waiting for this discovery, and it came to me earlier this week. It was a true moment of glory for all of science.”

Miller says that during the night between Thursday and Friday, his town of Concord, New Hampshire received a massive amount of snow – over a foot in just a few hours. This, he says, is proof that the world is not getting warmer.

“If global warming were real, then how come we got 14″ of snow the other night?” asked Miller. “I assume you all understand that in order for it to snow, it has to be cold. And in order for it to snow THAT MUCH in that amount of time, well – it has to be very cold. I believe I can rest my case.” EXPOSED! You Won’t BELIEVE Their Hidden Agenda!


ATLANTA –, which has long been one of the internet’s go-to websites for fact checking about far-fetched or incredible stories, was exposed by a group of Anonymous hackers who were able to break into the website’s files, and steal pertinent information about their secret agenda.

“As it turns out, the creators of Snopes are actual Reptilians, who are using their long-running website to spread misinformation and push their secret, hidden, commercial and business agendas,” said a posting made to Reddit by Anonymous. “Although it would seem that much of the information they provide is true, it is actually leading you away from the real truth, to cover for major conspiracies.”

According to Anonymous, the creators of snopes have “no background” and “no history” before the website was created, and indeed have no web presence outside of their names listed on the website. A full background check was completed, and the names were not listed anywhere before 1996.

“We’re still checking into who these people ‘really’ are, and what their full plans are. We’ll get them,” said the posting.

Zika Virus Reportedly Fake, Harmless; Frenzy Created By Obama Administration To Secure Funding


The CDC, in conjunction with President Obama, have reportedly been caught in a scam, after admitting that humans are immune to the Zika Virus, which is carried by mosquitos. A whistleblowing aide from within the White House released documents proving that the CDC worked along with top White House staff to fool the public into thinking that Zika was dangerous and deadly.

“As it turns out, the virus is completely harmless to humans, and this was a tactic used to solicit government funds from other areas, that could then be used for personal and political gains,” read the documents. “Although it is possible that Obama himself may not have known about the scam, it is highly unlikely, and even more likely that he himself concocted the scheme along with his personal friend, Gary Lewis, head of the CDC.”

So far, no one from the White House is commenting on the issue, but calls from the public have been flooding the CDC offices, demanding information. The CDC has not issued a statement.

Fake Maple Syrup Found To Cause Cancer



A new study performed on over 200 people found that fake maple syrup, the sugary-substance that can be purchased in grocery stores around the country, is causing cancer.

The study, which followed 100 people who ate real maple syrup every day on their pancakes, and another 100 who ate fake syrup such as Aunt Jemima. The 100 who ate the real syrup all contracted diabetes, but not a single one was found to have contracted cancer after 2 years of study. Of those who ate the fake syrup, 97 were found to have cancerous cells.

“It’s extremely amazing that this fake, sugary, blackened bottles of disgusting, fake syrup could be causing cancer, but based on our research, that’s exactly what is happening,” said Dr. Emmett Brown, who headed the study. “Now, we’re not saying that fake, sugary syrup is the cause of all cancers, because that would be getting ahead of ourselves, but what we’re saying is that is not out of the realm of possibilities.”


Man Fakes Heart Attack To Get Out Of Wife’s Dinner Party


KALAMAZOO, Florida – 

A Florida man was taken to the emergency room after his wife called 911, saying that her husband was having a heart attack.

John Williams, 43, was taken to a local hospital via ambulance, but on the drive, said that he was never having any sort of heart attack or any other medical issue – he just didn’t want to be around his wife’s “super boring friends” any longer.

“I pretended to have a heart attack, because it was the only way that I could think of getting out of there without being on the hook for it later,” said Williams. “We have this stupid dinner parties at least once a month, and all of my wife’s friends are snooty, pretentious, miserable people. They just come over for the free drinks and the free food, and then leave. We’ve never once been to a dinner part at one of their houses. At least I livened up the evening.”

Williams says he has no problem paying the bill for the ambulance, and the hospital visit.

“They had to check me out anyway, because it’s protocol, and apparently sometimes people have heart attacks for real and think they’re okay,” said Williams. “The doctor said my ticker is as good as it can be for my age. I have the heart of a 38-year-old.”

8-Year-Old Fakes Cancer To Scam Make-A-Wish Foundation


ATLANTA, Georgia –

A family in Atlanta convinced their 8-year-old son to go along with faking cancer to get a free trip to Disneyland, say police.

The Marques family, including Mary and Lewis Marques, both 34, and their son, 8-year-old Henry, reportedly visited doctors for over 2 years in the Atlanta area, faking symptoms of severe sickness in hopes of getting a free trip to Florida through the Make-A-Wish foundation.

“The Marques family had a very sophisticated way of doing things, in that they would constantly research rare cancer types, visit a doctor in one area, then falsify medical records, and then visit doctors in another area, using the names and locations of the previous doctor,” said police detective Mario Ferreira. “It was all an extremely elaborate scheme. The amount of time they put into it was intense. At the center of it all, of course, was 8-year-old Henry.”

According to the family, the entire scam was Henry’s idea. He was watching an episode of the TV show House on cable, and asked his mother where they found all the sick people to be in the show. When they explained that everyone, including the children on the show, were all just pretending, Henry asked if he could pretend to be sick and get on TV.

“Henry would not stop hounding us about the kids pretending to be sick. Eventually, we relented, and told him that no, we probably couldn’t get him on TV, but we might be able to get him to meet Mickey and Goofy,” said Lewis Marques. “But he had to promise to never reveal his secret – that he was totally healthy.”

Unfortunately, the secret was revealed after the Make-A-Wish foundation was contacted, as the group often does their own medical check-ups on children. It was then they discovered that Henry was perfectly healthy.

“I’m really sorry for what I did, but I just wanted to be famous!” said Henry. “And then I found out I could meet Mickey, and that seemed so cool. I don’t have any cancers at all, but I do get a cold sometimes. Will that help me go to Disney?

‘Lip Synch Battle’ Show Proves People Will Watch Anything, Regardless of Entertainment Value



Lip Synch Battle, the new series on SpikeTV that pits two celebs against each other in a lip synch competition has been heating up in the ratings, as each week two new megastars pretend to have talent to the cheers of a live audience.

“We knew when Jimmy Fallon started doing this bit on his show and the clips were going viral that we could base a whole series around it,” said SpikeTV CEO Ross Doucheman. “Now, each week we get new celebs who may or may not be talented in their own field to come out and pretend to have musical dance and singing talent. It’s really a stupid idea, but hey, people are watching it.”

Doucheman says that the ratings for the series have skyrocketed since the first episode, which featured Fallon facing off against action star Dwayne Johnson.

“Basically, we got two people out on stage who are mediocre at what they do, and they pretended to be great at singing. It was a good show,” said Doucheman. “Now, we’re doing it every single week, and all sorts of people are watching. Really, I think we could film celebs taking a shit for 30 minutes and air that, and people would watch. It doesn’t even matter anymore, we’re definitely not ‘trying’ or anything. But, either way, I’m still rolling around in a brand new Tesla 300, so keep watching, people!”

Ray Charles’ Former Wife Says Singer’s Blindness Was Just An ‘Elaborate Hoax’

ATLANTA, Georgia – 'Ray Charles Was Never Blind, Faked The Whole Thing' Says Former Wife of Musician

In a exclusive interview, Cindy Charles – 2nd wife of singer Ray Charles – came clean about what she says is Ray’s ‘biggest secret.’ Cindy, who is the mother of 2 of Ray Charles’ 12 children, says that Charles was not actually blind.

“I didn’t know Ray when he was a child, but I can tell you what he told me,” said Cindy Charles. ”Pretending to be blind started out as just an elaborate hoax to get out of chores when he was just about seven years old. Ray’s mom was a strict, God-fearing woman, and she told Ray, ‘If I find out you’re lying about your eyes, boy, I’ll tan your hide and you’ll burn with the Devil for lying to your Mama!’ So that’s how it started, and that’s how it continued for so long.”

“All his life, he had to walk around, bumping into things, any time someone was around who didn’t know his secret. I’m not sure how many people knew that he could see perfectly, but it wasn’t long before Ray realized that being blind had it’s advantages – at least when the blindness wasn’t real,” continued Cindy Charles. “He could ‘accidently’ touch girls breasts – which coincidentally was how we met one night. Also, he didn’t have to get a job, so he was able to concentrate on his music.”

“All of that head bobbing back and forth when he played piano, well that was just part of the act. What you couldn’t see because of the dark glasses was that he was looking down to see what he was playing,” said former manager Joe Goldsmith. “The reason everybody who knew kept it a secret was the money – nobody wanted to stop that money train. Ray had 12 kids with 10 different women – that’s a lot of paying off. I know he was keeping me in the good life for quite awhile back in the day.”

“The money train has dried up, though, and why I’m telling this story,” said Cindy Charles. “Legend that he is, ain’t nobody buying Ray’s music anymore. Rap, hip-hop, and free music downloads stopped putting food on the table ages ago. If it hadn’t been for Jamie Foxx and that movie a few years back bringing Ray’s story to life on screen, I think I’d have spilled the beans a long time ago.”


Columbia Records and the Ray Charles estate deny all accusations made by Cindy Charles. “Nonsense” was their only comment.


‘Ghost Hunters’ Capture Real Ghost On Film While Shooting Episode

HOLLYWOOD, California – 'Ghost Hunters' Capture Real Ghost On Film While Shooting Episode

Sy-Fi channel’s Ghost Hunters claim they have finally captured a real ghost on film, and the channel plans to air a special episode on Thanksgiving Day. Executives at Sy-Fi hope this will be the most watched hour in television history.

“It’s amazing, and truly terrifying. We were filming at a Civil War battleground site, and we actually saw and caught a ghost on film. It wasn’t just a noise, and it wasn’t just us playing things up for the camera like normal,” said Jason Hawes, paranormal specialist and star of Ghost Hunters. ”I’ll be honest with you – the show has always been fake, of course. We never find anything real. It’s TV for crying out loud. The way it usually goes is Grant or Steve say in a scared voice, ‘did you see that?!’ or ‘did you hear that?!’ and then we all act scared, but it’s just for show. Not this time, though.”

“I was scared as hell. I’m not going to lie – I pissed myself when I saw it. All this time ‘hunting’ for ghosts, we’d never seen a thing. 10 years of filming episodes; neither us nor our viewers seeing anything but night vision images of ‘spooky’ locations,” said Grant Wilson, co-founder of TAPS. “That’s half the reason I left the show in the first place. I am so glad I came back for this hunt. This changes it all. When this airs, people all over the world will stare in awe. It’s not any trickery, it’s not CGI. This was an honest-to-goodness, no bullshit ghost.”

“Now that I’ve seen a real ghost, I’m done, I’m never doing this again, it was fun when it was fake, but now forget about it,” said Hawes. “I’m going back to Kansas to work in my Dad’s Hardware store.”

”Ghost Hunters have filmed a real ghost, trust me, I saw it a couple of days ago and I haven’t slept since,” said Sy-Fi Channel executive Mark McGoldrick. “I can promise you, this will change the world as we know it. We now have proof of an afterlife, and of a spirit world. Do you have any idea what that will do for our ratings?!”


Fast Food Chains Brace For Onslaught Of Fake ‘Sympathy Stories’ By Parents Of Disfigured Children

OAK BROOK, Illinois – empire-news-fast-food-chains-brace-for-onslaught-of-fake-sympathy-stories-ugly-disfigured-children

McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, and several other fast food chains have been preparing for the worst, after a story about a girl with scars from a pitbull attack was allegedly asked to leave a KFC restaurant in Jackson, Mississippi because her face was “scaring other customers.”

When that story proved to be completely false, made up by the family of the young girl to gain sympathy and money for her surgeries, other fast food chains buckled down, preparing for an onslaught of fake stories created by parents of ugly or disfigured children.

“We have already informed all of our store managers that they need to treat every customer with dignity and respect, something they strive to do already.” Said Ray Kroc, president of  theMcDonald’s Corporation. “We also let them know that if they get any ugly or otherwise ‘messed up’ kids in their restaurants, that they need to go the extra mile for them, and their families. We can’t take any chances, here.”

KFC Corporation had initially offered to donate $30,000 to Victoria Wilcher, the young girl who was reportedly asked to leave their restaurant, to help pay for her rapidly rising medical costs. When news broke that Wilcher’s grandmother, Kelly Mullins, had fabricated the story, KFC actually stood by their offer, something other companies might have never done.

“We offered her the money, we’re not going to take it back now.” Said Harland Sanders, president of KFC Corporation. “I mean, if the family wants to not take the money now that the world knows they’re complete liars, then that’s up to them.”

“That story went viral, and before they knew what hit them, KFC was giving away thousands of dollars. It’s now been proven that [the family] completely made up the story.” Said Dave Thomas, president of Wendy’s Restaurants. “Are they bad people for trying to scam a multi-billion dollar corporation? Well, that’s for everyone else and KFC to decide, not me. I’m not the one handing over thirty grand.”

Several fast food chains have already gone on record as saying that they will not be giving a cent to anyone, no matter how severe their fake claims are, or how hard they tug on the heartstrings of a gullible public, without proper research into any allegations.

“I don’t care if someone says we dragged a kid with no legs out of his wheelchair and pelted him with chicken nuggets,” said Kroc. “We’re not even giving the kid a free Happy Meal until we’ve investigated the matter internally.”

In this sue-happy, complaint-riddled world, it’s not just restaurants that need to be worried about these fake ‘sympathy stories.’ The entire retail world is shaking where they stand, readying themselves to be sued for anything from an offensive TV commercial to a store employee with bad breath.

“We’ve had so many complaints over the years, so many stories made up about us, I can’t keep track of them all.” Said Sanders. “We use rats instead of chicken, that our chickens are mutants, that we support the KKK…we’ve had them all. You know what, though? We’re still here, still clucking right along.”

So far, no comments have been made publicly by Victoria’s family, but their Facebook page, which was set up to help raise money for Victoria’s medical bills and was the page that originally posted the allegations against KFC, was removed on Tuesday afternoon.

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