Finger-Chop Challenge Spreads Across Social Media To Protest Trump

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WASHINGTON, D.C. –

The “Finger-Chop Challenge” has begun to spread across social media, with teens and college students reportedly cutting off their fingers in an effort to raise awareness about the “evils of Donald Trump” as President.

“Trump is a disgusting, sick, orange bigot,” said Maria Lambert, 19, a college sophomore at Dartmouth. “I chopped off all of my  fingers on a livestream on Facebook. I left just the middle finger on one hand, because fuck Trump, that’s why.”

Following in a dangerous trend of challenges like the cinnamon or milk gallon challenges, the new finger-chop challenge opens up an entire new world of issues for parents, as well as the teens stooping to such ignorant levels.

“My son has done the challenge 4 times, and each time, he’s cut off a new finger. He’s down to just the pinky on his left hand,” said Carl Lunger of his son, Mario Lunger, 17. “Frankly, though, I’m proud of him. He’s taking a stand against Trump, and he’s also raised a lot of awareness about Trump. Last I knew, he had over 300 views on his YouTube video.”

Health officials are warning parents, though, of the dangers of their children cutting off their own fingers for internet notoriety.

 

Man Arrested For Killing His Roommate After He Touches Food With Dirty Fingers

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MIAMI, Florida – 

Benjamin Hopes admitting to hitting his roommate, Paul Bard, seven times in the face with a cast iron skillet.

If his defense all he had to say is, “Someone who fucks with your food doesn’t deserve to live. I saw his hands down the back of his pants, scratching his ass, then he went for my chips. I just snapped.” Hopes admits that he then dragged Bard’s body into his bedroom, and went about his normal routine for the day.

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“After I had come out of it, I knew I was going to prison, and I was real hungry. So I had a nice fat steak, a couple of beers, and called a couple gals over to party,” said Hopes. Police were called after one guest found the body when searching for a bathroom.

“In retrospect I should have put him in the closet or something,” said Hopes. “I cleaned up the blood from off the floor and the walls, but when she found that bastard it really killed the mood. After that I knew there was no chance I was getting laid, so I called the police and turned myself in.”

 

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