Flint, Michigan Begins Having Tap Water Imported From Mexico

mexico

FLINT, Michigan – 

Residents of Flint, Michigan have begun having been having their water imported from other states for quite some time, as the situation of their own water has been disasterous. But now, some residents have begun looking even further away, and are having their water imported from across the border in Tijuana.

“Our water is so bad, that Mexican tap water looks like crystal-clear spring water in comparison,” said Flint resident Mario Jones. “I can get about 50 gallons of Mexican tap water for about $5, which is a lot cheaper than here. Sure, it still gives me the shits, but that’s par for the course now. At least it doesn’t look like sewage.”

Mexico has been grateful for the business, with several companies across the border saying that they thought they would NEVER have use for tap water.

“Our water, it was muy disgustingo,” said Pedro Martinez. “But when I heard about the hydro crisis in Flint, I thought it was a good idea to start up a new company, and get them the water that they need. So I fill up about 200 gallon bottles a week, and I drive them into Arizona, where it can be shipped much cheaper. It’s a great deal for me. My family has lots of extra pesos now.”

20 Million Gallons of Fresh Water Accidentally Spilled Into Flint, Michigan River

flintwater

FLINT, Michigan – 

According to the EPA, an accidental spill of over 20 million gallons of fresh, clean, filtered drinking water was spilled into the Flint, Michigan river, where the town’s horrendous drinking water comes from.

Thousands of citizens rushed to their kitchen faucets, and were extremely pleased to find that a lot of the yellow and brown color was fading away, and that almost all of the smell was removed from the water.

“It’s a miracle, really. A true miracle that this happened,” said Flint resident Michael Moore. “Normally I go to my tap, and I mostly get piss-colored swill water, but now it’s almost clean! You pray and pray for accidents like this to happen, and then my God, dreams come true.”

According to the Flint chapter of the EPA, a railroad car filled with over 20 million gallons of water derailed last week, spilling into the town’s drinking supply.

Flint Residents Urged To Boil And Drink Their Own Urine During Michigan Water Crisis

water

FLINT, Michigan – 

The small town of Flint, Michigan has had a serious problem with polluted drinking water for the last few years, but the problem has recent reached epic proportions after national news outlets picked up the story, making people aware of the lead-filled river water that residents have been drinking.

Diseases and sickness have caused multiple hospitalizations and even several deaths since the city’s government began telling people that the water was safe to drink, despite its brown and yellow color when straight from the tap. Because of the national media attention, the city officials have decided to recant their statements about the water’s safety, and instead suggests that residents boil and drink their own urine.

“It is much, much safer for you to urinate into jars, bottles, or jugs, boil it, and then drink that,” said Flint city council member Roger Lewis. “You can drink your own urine up to three times before it becomes poisonous, but that is still safer to drink than the river water we’ve been saying was safe for the last few years.”

Residents are currently being given water from other states by the US government, but they must show a valid Michigan license with a Flint address on it to qualify, as well as provide a social security number. Flint city council members say that the water crisis may not end for some time, and that they will continue to research methods for residents to obtain water, including saving saliva and sweat for possible use.

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