Scientists Engineer Square Apples To Aid In Shipping, Storage Problems

ORCHARD CITY, Maine –

Everyone loves apples, especially during the fall season. The biggest concern, though, especially for the transportation and grocery industries is how to store an abundance of fresh picked apples. Engineers in Maine may have figured out a possible cure to this age-old headache.

“For years, apples were shipped in giant barrels, but they often tumbled out, causing loss or damaged products,” said Mark Jones, a GMO scientist based in Maine. “We found a way to make the apples grow to be square, which will make it much, much easier to transport and store these apples. The great thing is, they taste just as great.”

Jones said that the grocery industry is particularly interested in the product, as they often have to throw food away after it rolled to the floor.

“I’m so happy to see a new, genetically altered food like this,” said Jim Carlson, a grocery store franchisee for Kroger in Mississippi. “We constantly have to throw away damaged fruits, because we pile them up, and they roll out, or customers let them fall. This will definitely help to resolve a waste issue.”

Jone said he and his team are currently at work on making square oranges, peaches, grapes, and plums.

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Over the past half-decade, there has been a growing debate regarding the quality and safety of GMO foods. There has been debate back and forth even within the scientific community regarding the use of GMO capabilities in produce. But more and more, scientists have become increasingly in favor of its use. The American public, however, seems to be turning on the lab-coated professionals.

“These fancy doctors come in with their degrees and charts and try to tell me what is good and not good to eat. Quite frankly it’s insulting,” said Wyatt Stanfield, a local advocate against GMO production. “If I don’t want to eat a mutant corn, than damnit, I shouldn’t have to eat a mutant corn. It’s my stomach, for crying out loud!”

In a recent study, 71 percent of scientists and doctors agreed that with proper regulation and caps on experimentation, GMO foods were wholly safe. In the same study, only 31 percent of ‘common citizens’ agreed. Another 51 percent felt that GMOs posed a legitimate threat to the health of individuals that ate them regularly.

“We all know what food is safe,” says Stanfield. “Food made by God and grown from the earth. That is what we’re intended to eat. Anything made by labs is sure to cause us trouble. I don’t know why they think they can play God with our food. We know it’s going to give us cancer, or mutate our genes or make us sterile. But they keep pretending it’s fine. They keep saying ‘Don’t worry, they can’t hurt you.’”

Says Dr. Daniel Roberts MD of the GMO foods, “Don’t worry, they can’t hurt you. GMO food has already been in use for some time, and I’m still not entirely sure why people are against it,” said Roberts. He continued by pointing to a banana left on a table nearby. “This fruit is a clone of a single banana that has been recreated over and over over decades. Have you ever seen a real banana? They are short, green, and have giant seeds. These things we have now aren’t even close to a real banana. They’re genetically modified, and I’m pretty sure it hasn’t killed anyone not allergic to it.”

When asked about the banana, Stanfield stood defiantly. “That banana was made by God, and no liberal elitist agenda is going to trick me into believing otherwise.”