Hugh Hefner’s Penis To Be Gold Plated, Placed on Display at Smithsonian Museum

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

Rick Morris, head curator for the Smithsonian Museum, announced that their latest acquisition was from recently departed magazine magnate, Hugh Hefner – but this item is not a standard piece from his mansion or his offices.

The Smithsonian has acquired from Hefner’s estate his actual, severed penis, which was removed during autopsy and has been dipped and preserved in 24 karat gold.

“This is one of our biggest acquisitions as of late,” said Morris. “Both physically, and in purchase price. The emblazoned 9 inches cost us a record $2.9 million dollars.”

The money was paid to Hefner’s estate, and will reportedly be used to pay some outstanding legal fees and taxes, with the remaining being divided by his heirs.

The penis becomes part of the permanent display in Washington, D.C. on October 31st.

Trump Reportedly Changed Every Toilet In The White House Because He Didn’t Want To Use The Same Ones As Obama

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

An anonymous staffer from within the White House has confirmed that President Trump has had every toilet in the building replaced since moving in, in an effort to not have to “shit in the same pot” as former president Obama.

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“He not only replaced them all, he replaced all the porcelain with gold toilets,” said the staffer. “It’s kind of ridiculous. But it wasn’t about showing off his affluence, it was all because he didn’t want to sit anywhere that Obama sat. He thinks he might ‘catch something,’ because Obama is black, and by his logic, probably has AIDs or other diseases.”

President Trump had no comment on the toilet change-over, except to say that he thought that they looked “much nicer” the new way.

 

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