Weathermen Predict Heavy Snowfall In Summer After Mildest Winter On Record

Meteorologists Predict Record Shattering Snowfalls Coming Soon; Bread & Milk Prices Expected To Soar

ATLANTIC CITY, New Jersey – 

Much of the country was unaffected by massive snowstorms this winter, with only one major storm hitting the Eastern part of the United States. Now, most meteorologists say that this summer will be the coldest in history, with much of the country seeing the snow they should have gotten in December and January coming in June and July.

“I know it’s extremely odd to see these types of weather patterns, but it’s true,” said TV weatherman Joel Goldsmith of WMTX in New Jersey. “What people don’t understand is that global warming causes extreme heat, and extreme cold, and it cycles. Most of the country experienced the warmest weather in recorded history, and those temperatures will not hold up indefinitely.”

Goldsmith says that he expects to see much of the United States getting hit with violent rain, wind, and yes, even snowstorms, throughout most of the summer months.

“Most of New England will be buried this summer, upwards of 48 inches of snow can be coming in one storm over multiple days,” said Goldsmith. “Come July, you’re going to feel like it’s Christmas out there, because there will be record snowfall. Be cautioned, it’s going to get ugly. It’s not just New England, either. The entire country will be affected by this. Get your milk and bread tucked away now; it’s coming, and it’s coming fast.”

 

Toddler Hospitalized With 2nd Degree Burns From Radiant Heat Flooring

RIVERSIDE, Connecticut – Toddler Hospitalized With 2nd Degree Burns From Radiant Heat Flooring

2-year-old Todd Calais has been admitted to Washington Valley Medical Center due to burns found on his legs and arms apparently caused by radiant heat flooring. The popular, and fairly inexpensive, home-heating system is commonly used in New England homes to keep people’s feet warm on cold winter mornings. With a temperature gauge that only reaches 90° it is baffling doctors that this was even possible.

Sgt. Carl Roderickson of the Riverside Police Department says a call came in around 6:13 PM on Sunday evening, when the mother of the 2-year-old, Elizabeth Calais, reported he had been badly burned by a portion of their floor. To the surprise of EMS officials, the young boy was attached to the floor when they arrived, his skin melting directly to the floor almost as though an epoxy was used to glue him down. Calais said she had been applying cool water and ice to ease the pain, however it took multiple people to move the boy into the ambulance.

“We ended up just cutting up a chunk of the flooring, and carrying both Todd and the floor that he was stuck to right out to the ambulance,” said paramedic Joe Goldsmith. “It was really abnormal, but thankfully out here you’re never too far from someone with a power-saw and a hankering to use it.”

Local police are investigating the incident, and have assure the media that Todd’s safety is top priority. Connecticut DHHS workers have been involved assessing the child’s condition, and so far have found no wrong-doing on the part of the parents.

“It’s the craziest thing. I didn’t know that something like this could happen, but it’s definitely something that I never want to have to deal with again,” said Goldsmith. “I have no idea how they got that floor so hot, but I tell ya, when I was in there, the rubber on the bottom of my shoes started melting if I stood in one spot too long.”

“Yeah, I guess we kind of overdid it with the whole floor heating thing,” said Calais. “My ex-husband, before he moved out, he tinkered with it a bit. He was a tinkerer, that’s for sure. Caught him tinkering with the neighbor’s wife, which is why he’s now an ex. But yeah, his feet got cold a lot, so he got it so that the floor temperature could be whatever we wanted. I guess I must have bumped the thermostat or something. The police said it was up at over 200° when they took the temperature.”

Todd Calais is reportedly doing fine, and the boards were easily removed from his skin once he arrived at the hospital.

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