TAMPA BAY, Florida –
Just when you thought his conduct could not get any more bizarre, former Creed vocalist Scott Stapp, who has been in the news the last several weeks for what was believed to be the result of mental illness and/or massive drug and alcohol abuse, has confessed to his antics all being an elaborate hoax.
Today in a press conference in a downtown Tampa Holiday Inn, the singer announced that the crazy series of events were all made up to promote the debut of his new band, The Pig Head Conspiracy.
“I’m here to announce to you today that all the terrible news about me, my family, and my financial ruin was all a huge lie. Somehow we were convinced it would help put my name out there again, and would lead to a spike in album sales once my new band released our album,” said Stapp. “I really just assumed that people had forgotten about me, and that this would bring me back into the spotlight. Nobody has bought a Creed album since 1999.”
“That dude sounds crazy as shit,” said Mark Calloway, a 14-year-old ‘metal head’ from Fresno, California. “I mean, I saw his name trending on Facebook, and that’s where I get all my news, so I was looking him up on Wikipedia. I had no idea who Creed was, so I gave them a listen on Spotify. Turns out they suck, so I guess this dude probably did the right thing trying to make himself look like a psycho to sell his new band. It actually makes me want to download his new CD when it comes out. I mean, like, not pay for it, but download it, you know?”
“We fired our promotions manager yesterday,” said band member Aaron Silver. “I’m sorry that we made it seem like Scott had a mental illness or whatever just to promote a band. I mean, he’s definitely off a bit, but he’s not that crazy. Not really. Well, I mean, sort of. But does it matter? He was famous in the 90s, so even if he was completely out of his goddamned mind, the public would forgive him. We always forgive second-rate celebrities, right? I mean shit, Vince Neil killed a guy, and we all still love Motley Crue!”
According to Stapp, the new band, named The Pig Head Conspiracy, is a metal band with its primary theme being politics, unmonitored corruption of the government by way of Satan, and the greed of the Catholic church – a far cry from his former band Creed, which was very pro-biblical.
“The new self-titled album comes out in February, and a national tour is currently being constructed,” said Stapp. “At least a small stint of the tour will be in support of Slipknot. It’s going to be really fun.”