Hulk Hogan To Buy Majority Share of WWE With Gawker Settlement

Posted on March 18, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

Hulk Hogan announced this morning that he plans to take the $115 million dollar settlement he is set to receive from his lawsuit against garbage-posting website Gawker to purchase a majority share of stock in his former employer Vince McMahon’s company WWE.

“I’ve been a millionaire for many years, but I’ve never been that much of a millionaire,” said Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea. “I do own some stock in the company. I bought about $2,000 worth when it first went public. With this settlement, though, I can finally become majority owner.”

Although Vince McMahon had originally been set with 51% ownership, he was forced to sell some of his stock and ownership in the last few years as the company has taken a downturn, leaving him with only 48% ownership in the company. The rest is on the public market.

“I will be able to afford to buy 51% of the company with this settlement, and when I do, there will be some massive changes made to the company,” said Hogan. “I cannot wait to drop the leg on the WWE once more, but this time, it will be my place to do with as I wish. It will be like the NWO days all over again, brother.”

Hulk Hogan Wears Blackface In Public To Prove He’s ‘Not Racist’

Posted on August 31, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

LOS ANGELES, California –

Former professional wrestler Terry Bollea, better known as Hulk Hogan, was recently spotted in Los Angeles wearing his trademark Hulkamania tee-shirt and bandana, but also sporting something a little more out of the ordinary for the 62-year-old.

“I saw Hogan walking through the mall, headed into a JC Penney, and his entire face was painted black. For a minute, I didn’t even recognize him. But on second glance, those 24-inch pythons gave him away,” said Jerry Miller, who was shopping in the Los Angeles City Mall. “Hogan was wearing blackface! I am a longtime fan, but even I was too embarrassed to walk over and ask for a picture.”

According to Hogan, he decided to paint his face fully black just to prove that he’s “not a racist.”

“You see brother, I may have said some racist things, brother. But that was years ago, brother, and I tell you, brother, I am definitely not a racist, brother,” said Hogan to a fan who was bold enough to ask about the blackface. “The thing is brother, I painted my face so that all the little Hulkamaniacs out there could see that the real Hogan isn’t a racist, brother. Sometimes, brother, you just say a racist-sounding thing, brother, but that doesn’t mean that what’s in your heart, brother, is really wrong, brother.”

Hogan has reportedly also tried to clear his image in other ways. He recently appeared on morning television, sans blackface, asking for forgiveness from the American public.

“I’m also gonna try, brother, hanging around with some more brothers, brother,” said Hogan. “I feel like the only way to really get forgiveness, brother, is if all the brothers out there can forgive me, brother. I just want everyone to know that I am still a real American, brother. I’ll fight for the rights of every man, brother. I’ll fight for what’s right, brother. Fight for your lives, brother. Brother.”

The WWE, the company that made Hogan a household name in the 80s, has all but erased his name from their website, including removing him from their Hall of Fame listings, after it was discovered recently that Hogan made racially insensitive comments several years ago.

Scott Steiner Disappointed Hulk Hogan Refused to Fight to the Death

Posted on April 11, 2015 by Josh Marcus

MIAMI, Florida –

TMZ reported recently that pro-wrestler Scott Steiner, 52, threatened to kill wrestling legend Hulk Hogan, 61. According to the report, the two were recently involved in a fracas, with Steiner telling Hogan’s wife at an airport that he plans to “kill Terry [Hulk Hogan’s real name]”. Hogan proceeded to call the cops, eliciting an angry response from former ally Steiner.

“I can’t believe the pussy called the cops!” Steiner said. “What kind of a wrestler does he think he is? He used to be a legend but now he’s just soft. This is meant to be a fight to the death.”

Fans of Hogan are equally disappointed, expressing their dismay on Twitter en masse.

@wrestlemaniac: hulk you were my hero but now another person who has let me down

@hardforhogan: i cant belive the news today. hogan is not what he used to be #saddays

@ilovewrestledick: Wrestling is a man’s sport, and it is a man’s responsibility to kill or be killed #steinerforlife

Some have, however, stood up for Hogan.

@reasonablegentleman: The man has a family. He can’t risk his life just for his image

Analysts of the sport have dismissed the sentiment, insisting that a man of his stature cannot afford to be seen as weak.

“Look at him hiding from that chair [being thrown at his face – figuratively speaking],” said promoter Vince McMahon. “He’s cowering beneath his arms, begging for help! And now his colleague could get prison time for doing what a wrestler does. Come on, Hogan. Where is the Hulk?”

A spokesperson for the Hogan family told reporters that Hogan refuses to comment as yet, but that he is meditating like a complete f*****, trying to get over the oh-so-terrible shock of having his life slightly in danger.

Hulk Hogan Announces 2016 Presidential Run

Posted on February 24, 2015 by JP

CLEARWATER, Florida –

A wrestling icon will be attempting a new career path next year by seeking to become the next President of the United States of America. Terry Bollea, better known as Hulk Hogan, has announced today that he will be running for President in 2016, and plans on winning, brother.

“I’m sick of the way things are being done in this country, brother, and I believe it is high time I rip off this graphic t-shirt, throw on a suit and tie, and take these 24-inch Pythons to Washington, brother!” said Hogan. He went on to say that he will begin to tour the nation to help raise funds for his campaign, and feels his fans will back him on his decision.

“Listen hear brother! I’m going to be the best President this country has ever seen, brother. I’m going to bring this country to a standing ovation when they realize that a real man is in the office, brother. If a body builder can be the Govenor of California, there is no reason a wrestling icon can’t take the whole country, Brother.” said Hogan. “I am a real American, and I will fight for the rights of every man. I’ll fight for what’s right, I’ll fight for your lives, brother!”

Some political insiders say that they think the entire announcement was just a publicity stunt, and once Hogan gets the camera back on him, his attempts will fizzle away. Hogan, who has been retired from wrestling for years, still appears at main events from time to time for the WWE. He also was the star of his own reality show, Hogan Knows Best.

BREAKING NEWS: WWE, Inc. Sold To Donald Trump For Undisclosed Amount; McMahon Turns Down Job Offer As Chief Consultant

Posted on August 20, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

STAMFORD, Connecticut –

Majority owner, CEO, and Chairman of WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) Vince McMahon announced this morning that WWE, Inc. has been sold in full to American business magnate and entrepreneur Donald Trump for an undisclosed amount.

“It is a bittersweet moment for the entire McMahon family, but we have secured a comfortable life for many generations to come for our family,” McMahon told the Associated Press early this morning. “Mr. Trump gave us an offer we simply could not refuse about a month ago, we met with the minority owners and the rest of the family, and everyone unanimously agreed we should take the offer. The logistics were worked out by our very competent legal team, and as of today, Mr. Trump has taken full control of the WWE.”

The announcement is sure to come as a shock to wrestling fans around the globe as the McMahon family has been the cornerstone of the booming wrestling entertainment business from the 1980’s through today. “Mr. Trump had asked me to stay on as chief consultant, I have considered the offer, but after selling the family franchise I do not think it is appropriate for me to operate it, or contribute to operating the WWE, while it is no longer under our ownership. I simply thanked Mr. Trump for the offer and declined. It is the McMahon way – we are all-in or we are not in at all,” McMahon said.

Ownership of the WWE is now listed as The Trump Organization, operating out of the Trump Tower in Manhattan, New York. Trump said in a telephone interview with WABC reporter Jim Shwartz that his son Donald, Jr. and his daughter Ivanka would be the ‘masterminds’ behind the newly purchased entertainment business.

“It was Donald Jr. who really pushed for the deal and after hearing his argument, which was that it was a big business that I didn’t already have my name attached to, it is something I had to get behind. The responsibilities of Chairman and CEO will be mine, Donald Jr. will take on the role of President, and Ivanka will be named Vice President and Ambassador of promotions and marketing. We are very excited to take on control of the WWE, and we will no doubt improve how things are operated. It is a win/win for the fans and a very exciting venture is ahead of us.” Trump told Shwartz.

When asked if fans would find any noticeable changes as the reigns of the WWE are handed over to the Trumps, he made it clear that the impact would be noticed immediately, as he planned on changing nearly every aspect of the company.

“Well first of all, we are going to do away with the ‘soap opera’ aspect of the business. It will become more realistic, making it so that it will eventually be recognized as a legitimate sport, not a joke. Sure there will be plenty of drama, but it will be real. There will be no feuding between wrestlers on camera then going off, having a cold beer together off camera. If that means losing the current stars, who are mostly actors anyway, that is the way it is going to be. I have been a lifelong wrestling fan, and I am even in the WWE Hall of Fame, but that doesn’t mean that changes won’t be made. We gave Mr. McMahon the opportunity to stay on board and he turned his nose up to us, but that is ok, because we will show him how he should have been running his former business. That’s what Trumps do, they take over and make everything better,” said Trump.

“We wish to thank all the fans who made everything possible for decades. From The Gobbledy Gooker to Hulkamania to the time I tore both of my quad muscles sliding into the ring, it’s been a wild ride with the WWE. I’ll never forget it,” said McMahon, tearfully. “Actually, come to think of it, I’ll just keep renewing my subscription to the WWE Network and watch it all over again. Hot damn, that Network was a good idea.”