John McCain Says He ‘Accidentally’ Voted No On Healthcare Repeal: ‘My Brain Tumor Got The Best of Me!’

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Senator John McCain shocked the entire country by voting NO on the Obamacare repeal on the Senate floor the other day, but even though he made a wave of new fans from the left, he is now saying he made a mistake, and that his brain tumor is to brain.

“I momentarily lost my senses, and literally couldn’t remember which way was up, and which was down,” said McCain, speaking from his home, where doctors have put him on bedrest. “I meant, of course, to vote TO repeal it, as was the plan. As I’ve mentioned before. There’s nothing that Republicans like doing more than screwing the entire country, and so naturally I should have given a thumbs-up. I swear I did. This brain tumor is really taking its toll.”

Unfortunately, the vote sticks as-is, unless a majority calls for a new vote sometime in the next 90 days.

“I think at that vote, I may abstain,” said McCain. “If I’m still alive, I really don’t want to mess this up again, and you never know how my vote might go.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

President Trump was caught in an off-mic moment after a speech yesterday being asked about Senator McCain, and how he was doing.

“I don’t know, I haven’t heard how he was doing,” said Trump. “All I know is that his brain tumor has been taken care of. You know, if I had a tumor, it would have been much larger. It would have been way harder to get rid of. I would have the best tumor you’ve ever seen. You know, some people get tumors and they get sick, but not me. I’d have a tumor that just made me stronger. It would be the biggest, and it would be the best.”

Sessions scheduled for this week in the Senate were postponed while Senator McCain recovered from his surgery. His doctors say that he is doing “extremely well.”

Senator McCain reportedly did not have any response to President Trump’s comments, but his wife was quoted as saying she “isn’t at all surprised” that the President would make such “stupid goddamn comments.”