Donald Trump Tweets Nude Pic To Prove He’s Well Hung

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

The media has been in a frenzy the last week after Donald Trump mentioned that there were “no problems” with the size of his penis during the recent Republican debates. Although most people were in shock that such crude and asinine comments were made during a presidential race, a huge chunk of the internet started asking for Trump to prove it, using the social media hashtag #TrumpShowUsYourPenis.

The Donald, not one to back down from a challenge, accepted the outcries of the young people of social media, and today he tweeted a fully nude selfie showing how big he really is.

“You asked for it America, and here it is,” said Trump’s tweet. “I wasn’t lying about the size of my penis, and I’m not lying about making this country great again. #dickpic.” Also included was a link to the image, which is obviously NSFW.

The tweet went viral immediately, as did the picture attached. Most people were in shock when they saw how big he actually was, and still others say that they’re actually going to vote for him now.

“Before this picture and tweet, I thought he was a buffoon,” said Joelle Clarke of Lansing, Michigan. “Now that he actually had the balls – literally – to tweet a picture of his package, I believe that he has the balls to get things done in the White House, too.”

Senator Bernie Sanders, when asked about the picture, said he “hadn’t seen it,” and “had no interest in doing so.” Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton said that she had set it as her cell phone’s wallpaper, and was currently discussing with her campaign manager whether it would be a good idea to tweet a picture of her own big, ugly penis.

Local Teenager Grows Poor Excuse For A Mustache, Thinks He’s Ron Swanson

SHREVEPORT, Louisiana –  teenager grows mustache thinks hes ron swanson

Local 16-year-old Trevor McKenzie has recently realized he can grow the slightest bit of facial hair on his upper lip, and so he has not shaved in two months. Despite looking utterly ridiculous, McKenzie apparently thinks he’s Godd— Ron Swanson or something.

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It is not known if McKenzie was inspired by the hilariously-manly Ron Swanson, played by Nick Offerman on the NBC sitcom Parks and Recreation. It’s just as possible that McKenzie may have seen too many reruns of Magnum P.I. featuring Tom Selleck, or maybe in history class he was influenced by black-and-white photographs of the mustachioed presidents of old, such as Theodore Roosevelt or William Howard Taft. What is known is that McKenzie’s “mustache” is terribly thin and horribly prepubescent, and should be shaved off immediately to show respect to the aforementioned all-time great lip ticklers.

McKenzie seems completely unaware that rather than impressing friends or attracting girls, which seems to be his intention, his “mustache” serves only as a subject of ridicule. When confronted with this teasing, McKenzie dismisses the unpopularity of his ‘stache as thinly-veiled jealousy. Sadly, the reality is that most high school students, despite being ignorant in most aspects of life, have enough sense to not grow a mustache if they can’t do so properly. Deep down, McKenzie must surely be aware that his poor excuse of a mustache is an embarrassment to him and his family.

We all know that history is doomed to repeat itself. We can extrapolate from previous trends that McKenzie will shave off his near-translucent mustache in a few weeks and regret that it ever took residence on his face, only to grow a half-ass goatee in his freshman year of college.

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