Kanye West Doesn’t Believe Black People Exist

Kanye West Doesn’t Believe Black People Exist

MIAMI, Florida – 

Shortly after confusing the world with his assertion that racism “no longer exists,” Kanye West has caused further controversy, by insisting that “black people are no longer a thing.”

Last week, West seemingly showed us his blinkered view of the lives of African-Americans, believing that because he has made it big, other black citizens do not face discrimination based on their color. But his latest quotes, from an exclusive interview with TMZ, have given us insight into the more bizarre ideas that the self-proclaimed genius holds.

“Black people are an outdated concept, used to divide the world,” he said. “Maybe once they existed, but in the 21st century we’ve got to accept that civilisation has changed. Everyone is now white.”

The controversial rapper was asked to explain the different skin tone and other physical differences of those who identify as Africans or African Americans.

“Physical differences don’t make someone different. What’s a bit of melatonin among friends? I can assure you that, as a white person, I’m willing to look past the superficial differences and accept that these people are white like me.”

Kanye went on to say that, not only did black people not exist, no race “other than whites or caucasians actually represent a factual construct”.

“Chinese people are white too, even though they may look shorter and have different eyes and hair types. Hispanic people? They’re even whiter. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about this language thing. Just because we don’t understand what someone’s saying don’t mean they’re not talking English.”

Towards the end of the interview, he startled questioners further, by admitting that he believes every man is actually a Kanye, and that every woman is a Kim.

“Don’t let them fool you with their fancy names for themselves. They’re Kims and Kanyes and don’t deserve to be treated differently.”

When asked where his daughter North fits in, he said, “Nori (North) is a unique construct. We have brought her into the world as a superhuman, and she cannot be measuerd in the same way as the rest of us. She is the first of many Norths.”

Kanye West Arrested After Breaking Into Beck’s House; Attempted To Steal His Grammy

Kanye West Arrested After Breaking Into Beck's House; Attempted To Steal His Grammy

LOS ANGELES, California-

Cops arrested Kanye West late Friday night after he was caught breaking and entering into musician Beck’s California home. Police were called to the scene after a security system went off in the home, and West was found with his leg stuck in a window he has smashed out. An ambulance was called to take West to the hospital.

Both West and Beck have been in the news lately due to a interruption Kanye made while Beck was receiving an award at the Grammys. West made it clear that he felt that Beck didn’t deserve to win the award, and while Beck appeared to laugh it off, Kanye began to ramble off into a frenzy of anger attacking the music industry.

Beck has yet to comment on the break-in at his home, but his manager has said that Beck will not be filing any charges. Kanye did tell police that he was there to retrieve Beck’s Best Album of the Year trophy, which he truly believed that Beyoncé deserved.

“I’m a man I handle my business and when I have a job to do I get it done,” said West. “I have to protect Beyoncé’s pride, and she deserved that award, not Beck. Who the hell is Beck, anyway?”

After he was released by police, West made a statement to the press about his feelings on the current state of the music industry.

“Music is dying and we need to have some real artist to bring it back to life. It’s all about glamor and money these days, and that isn’t what a true artist should be doing. Beyoncé is an artist in her craft and that’s why I respect her, music should be about how we inspire people, not by how the industry makes a fast buck off advertisement. Also, while I have you here, check out my clothing line, my wife Kim’s new book, and my new album that will be dropping soon,” said West

 

Kanye West Banned From All Future Public Awards Ceremonies

Kanye West Banned From All Future Public Awards Ceremonies

LOS ANGELES, California – 

Kanye West has once again made a flub of a decision at the Grammys, and the higher-ups have come down hard on the performer/producer, banning him from all future award ceremonies.

In 2012, when Kanye West rushed the stage and embarrassed both himself and Taylor Swift at the Grammys, everyone assumed it was fluke incident. Most everyone felt Kanye probably had one too many to drink, and simply made the mistake of thinking he deserved to be on stage when he did not. The whole incident, while cringeworthy, was easy to forgive and move on from.

After his hopping onto the stage during Beck’s acceptance speech once again made headlines, the word came down to all the major news networks on Friday. The message could not be more clear: West is no longer welcome at any event that awards artists for their talents. He is not to be on the premises during the events, nor the after-parties, and may not attend any red-carpet pre-event galas.

“If it was anyone else it would have been fine,” said show director Ryan Donahue. “The fact that it was Kanye, again – and in the same distasteful manner – made it impossible to ignore.”

West later stated it was the voices in his head, pointing toward the move being tongue-in-cheek. However, the incident was equally cringeworthy as the original. Once again West seemed to believe he was imbued with an ability to do something that he was not, and to steal the spotlight from an artist. But to this point, West has not backed down.

“All respect to Beck, because he seems like a nice guy and all. But Beyonce made the best album of 2014. And just because she’s not a Scientologist, and only a part of the Illuminati, doesn’t mean she’s second class.”

Family Friend Reveals Shocking Secret About Kim & Kanye’s Baby

LOS ANGELES, California – Family Friend Reveals Shocking Secret About Kim & Kanye's Baby

You can hardly turn on your television these days without seeing a Kardashian, and with the recent Kim-Kanye nuptials, it’s been like a flesh-eating virus that refuses to go away.

Rumors about Kanye’s controlling behaviors and Kim’s ever-present derrière pics continue to plague the internet and social media. According to a Kardashian insider, Kanye controls everything Kim does, right down to the clothes she wears, the photos she posts, and limiting her public appearances.

“Kanye is on an unrelenting quest to have the perfect family – well, a perfect family that is obsessed over by the media, anyway,” said the anonymous source, a reported close friend of the couple.  “Kim fills the wife roll perfectly, or at least parts of her do, and now it turns out that he has taken his quest one huge, dramatic, over-the-top step further.”

While it remains no big surprise that the couple’s one-year-old baby, North West, is already being made into a media staple, apparently the unusual method of conception has been kept a secret since her birth.  For years, many infertile parents have resorted to in vitro fertilization as a means of reproduction, but in Kim and Kanye’s case, it was used for a much less conventional purpose. 

“In order for his child to have the best chances of having the specific traits he most desired, Kanye resorted to creating his very own genetically modified offspring,” according to the anonymous source. “With the help of the Center for Genetic Research in San Diego, two sets of eggs were fertilized with Kanye’s sperm – one from Kim, and one from another woman named Erica Goldsmith. Mrs. Goldsmith’s eggs contained precisely what Kanye was looking for when it came to ‘proper’ genetic makeup. It cost him millions of dollars to have the tests, research, and implanting done.”

Since North West is one of the first of such genetically modified ‘designer babies,’ the end result of the procedure cannot be truly know until she begins to mature. Undoubtably, the couple will continue to chart the progress of their lab-created bundle of joy through the normal socialite methods of Twitter and Instagram.

Kim Kardashian Files For Divorce After Kanye Smashes Child’s Cell Phone

LOS ANGELES, California – Kim Kardashian Files For Divorce After Kanye Smashes Child's Cell Phone

In another array of Kanye angst-laden turn of events, Hollywood Star Insider Weekly has confirmed, via Los Angeles County Court Clerk office records, that Kim Kardashian has officially filed for divorce from her husband, rapper Kanye West.

According to reports, West allegedly snatched an 8-year-old boy’s cell phone and smashed it on the ground, accusing the boy of taking photographs of him and his wife while at a popular Los Angeles eatery earlier this week. It is assumed that witnesses of the incident were paid off and bound to legal secrecy.

According to Kim’s publicist, Marcella Thomas, Kim has had ‘as much as she could take’ of Kanye’s wild and moody toddler-like antics, and this recent outburst was the ‘final straw.’

“This morning I accompanied Kim to the Los Angeles County Clerks office where she officially filed for divorce,” said Thomas. “Thank God, too. As her publicist, do you know how often I had to be around Kanye? More than once, which is way more time than anyone should ever have to spend with Kanye. At any rate, no further statement regarding the matter is to be issued at this time, and we ask that all fans, here and abroad, respect this very difficult decision.”

Because of the media frenzy surrounding the announcement, Thomas said this was also the perfect time to take advantage of the free publicity, tas she revealed to HSIW that Kim has inked a deal with Calvin Klein to release a new men’s fragrance labeled ‘U-Mad, Bro?’

“I’m so glad that Kim is leaving that lunatic,” said Kardashian ‘superfan’ Maria Bulgara. “I mean, Kanye is okay to look at in certain light – like the kind of light that completely blocks out his face. The man has shown time and time again that he is mentally unstable. I don’t think I’m saying anything that anyone else doesn’t think as well. Also, I am sooo buying my boyfriend that U-Mad cologne for Christmas!”

“It’s about time Kanye ditched that trash anyway,” said West ‘superfan’ Joey Goldsmith. “That tramp, showing her ass all over the internet. I was sickened by all that cellulite! Kanye should go find a good woman, like Barbara Walters or something. Now there’s a chick who looks like she knows how to suck, if you know what I mean. Also, I swear if my bitch gets me any of that U-Mad cologne, I’m gonna throw it out the damn window.”

Kanye West has long been known for his public meltdowns, usually involving paparazzi. Two months ago, the hip-hop artist and producer threw his milkshake at a crying baby, claiming the child was “out of key and needed auto-tune.” However, Kanye immediately apologized, and invited the family to a local car dealership where he bought them a brand new Range Rover.

It is not clear who currently has custody of little North West, the couple’s child, but one thing is for certain, this evolving family drama has all the makings of a highly publicized and extremely drawn out celebrity divorce and custody battle. Empire News will be monitoring this national crisis as it unfolds.

Kanye West Insists On Nobel Prize, Claims He ‘Brings Peace’ Everywhere He Goes

LOS ANGELES, California – Kanye West Insists On Nobel Peace Prize, Claims He 'Brings Peace' Everywhere He Goes

Rapper, songwriter, record producer, director, fashion designer, entrepreneur and now – world’s only chance for peace? Singer Kanye West has been on a rampage in the media the last several days, proclaiming that he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.

“Obama won one, and he drops bombs on people. You give me a peace prize and I promise I won’t drop bombs on anyone, I’ll just drop killer beats. I’m tired of being snubbed for awards. Did Kanye win a CMA? No. Did Kanye win a Emmy? No. Do I deserve those awards? Of course I do, I’m Kanye West,” said West in an interview with Kanye West magazine.

“You drop my CDs in the Middle East, and people be too busy dancing, they won’t have time to fight. Kanye is about love, just ask Kim, if I can keep that giant booty happy, I can keep ISIS happy. It just makes sense. I deserve to win that peace prize thing. Kanye deserves all awards, because I’m a genius, and it’s only the haters and the racists keeping Kanye down. If I do a show in Jerusalem – peace! If I do a show in Afghanistan – peace! If I do a show in China – peace! It just makes sense. People don’t get it. Norwegians don’t get it. Wherever Kanye goes, peace and love follow. Except for Oakland, that always ends up in a shooting, but that ain’t Kanye’s fault.”

 “I’m not sure who Kanye West is, but unfortunately for him, nominations had to be submitted by July,” said Hans Hammarskjold, chairman of the Nobel Prize committee. “We take all our prizes very seriously, and as for his reference to President Obama’s Peace Prize, we have asked for it back but the White House has not returned our calls.”

 

Lay’s Potato Chips To Introduce New ‘Kim & Kanye’ Flavor

ATLANTA, Georgia – Lay's Potato Chips To Introduce New 'Kim & Kanye' Flavor2

Chairman and CEO of PepsiCo, Indra Nooyi, announced yesterday that a new flavor of potato chip would hit the shelves in time for the holidays. The new flavor, ‘Kim & Kanye’, is the first flavor of Lay’s potato chips to be named after actual people. Nooyi says it was important for the company to stay in touch with modern-day culture.

“It was something we wanted to touch on, we knew we wanted to begin naming flavors after celebrities, but didn’t know which ones. We decided on Kim & Kanye, obviously referring to Kim Kardashian-West and Kanye West, because they are celebrities that all Americans love, and together they have a very unique flavor,” said Nooyi.

Lay’s set the standard for being the first potato chip company to introduce a flavor other than the traditional salted, original flavor, in 1958 when they introduced barbecue flavored potato chips. The company has since led the way in offering more and more variety of flavors in recent years with a campaign called “Do Us A Flavor,” in which contestants invent a flavor themselves. The 2012-2013 contest consisted of sriracha, chicken and waffles, and cheesy garlic bread flavors, with cheesy and garlic bread earning its way into the permenant line up according to sales.

The ‘Kim & Kanye’ flavor is a finalist  from the 2014-2015 contest developed by self-proclaimed chef Tanya Brown. When asked what her key ingredients were to this bizarre name of chip, she simply said, “A little bit of this, a little bit of that. A lot like what you could imagine Kim and Kanye tasting like if they were a potato chip.”

Other flavors in the finals, which are currently available for purchase, include bacon mac and cheese, cappuccino, wavy mango salsa, and kettle cooked wasabi ginger. Although the Kim and Kanye chip was submitted during the contest, Lay’s representatives decided that it would be a stand-alone flavor, and they would use it outside of the normal contest regulations.

“They told me the idea of the actual flavor being a bit of a mystery was intriguing to them,” said Brown. “I could not believe they agreed to stick with the name, and they actually told me it was something they had considered doing for quite some time. So they kind of pulled the idea away from the contest. Sad I can’t win, but the chips are still going to market, and that’s awesome.”

Some of those who have had samples of the new flavor say the chips have a unique taste. “It tastes to me like a combination of chocolate and butter pecan ice cream, and is strangely very good!” said John Osbourne of Brooklyn, New York. Others say that the chip is horrendous, and they can’t believe it’s even going to market.

“It tastes like straight up body sweat and lard, with a hint of tangy mint and…I’m not sure. Walnuts, maybe?” said Robin Waverly of Los Angeles. “It’s really hard to pin down. Whatever it’s supposed to be, they were really pretentious tasting, which I suppose what I’d expect Kim or Kanye to taste like. Then again, I rarely think that these contest chips taste like what they’re supposed to. So maybe it’s just me.”

The Kim & Kanye flavored Lay’s potato chips will be available at grocery stores one week before the Thanksgiving holiday says Nooyi.

Kanye West’s DNA Used To Clone and Breed Guinea Pigs

LOS ANGELES, California – empire-news-kanye-west-dna-used-to-clone-and-breed-guinea-pigs

The proposed business merger between Kayne West and biotechnology company PPL Therapeutics came to a grinding halt Tuesday, when the first of a brood of cloned guinea pigs were found to have a nearly 90% mortality rate. Of the original 86 live births from a synthetic womb, a full 77 were found to possibly be suicidal.

While initially confused by the trend, science has found an explanation to the phenomenon, although a confusing and disturbing one.

The facility where the cloned animals were to be housed had been equipped with watering systems made of hypoallergenic, germ and virus resistant and highly reflective polished steel cages. According to lab personnel, the guinea pigs were found in groups of three or four a day, drowned in the watering troughs they shared. At first, lab management states, they were confused. Further investigation using low-light cameras revealed that the animals were, in fact, voluntarily placing their heads in the trough and staying underwater, apparently only surviving if they passed out and fell over before brain death set in.

Several attempts to alter the water with mood suppressants had failed, and the facility was beginning to lose hope on solving this puzzle. Finally, in an act of mercy, one employee removed one of the suicidal animals, which is strictly against lab policy. Planning to give it a happy home in it’s final days, the nameless employee placed it in an unused fish tank. Providing it with a plastic bowl of water and some fresh hay daily, the employee was amazed to find that the guinea pig was dry and alert every morning, in contrast to the wet and stunned symptoms they had all displayed daily. Upon alerting facility staff to the find, experimentation started and quickly found the source of the lemming-like behavior.

“We were able to narrow the issue down to one of housing,” stated a lab PR agent. “In the facility’s case, we have water troughs with highly reflective surfaces on the bottom, which allow the rodents to gaze at their own reflection. They were failing to come up for air and had shown an alarming tendency towards self-destruction. Upon covering the trough bottoms with non-reflective surfaces, the remaining specimens lost all interest in death, and enjoyed their nice hay and snuggles.”

“We know now that playing God with Kayne West’s genetic material may have been too bold a step for us. There are powerful drives in his genes, chief amongst which is the desire to stare at one’s reflection to the point of ignoring all pain and disorientation.”

The research company has refused to issue comment on the proposed cross of a lobster with Lindsey Lohan to create a lifeform prone to voluntarily throwing itself into a pot of boiling water.

Kanye West Files Lawsuit Against His Reflection

LOS ANGELES, California – Kanye West Files Lawsuit Against His Reflection

Kanye West stays in the news for his outspoken nature and, at times, outlandish behavior. However his most recent crazy behavior may have topped all others. One of the world’s most renowned rappers is filing a lawsuit against his own reflection.

West was curiously completely unaware of his reflection until a few weeks ago when he was apparently walking down a hallway in Milan and bumped right into a mirror. After the collision West demanded that the man across from him apologize. Although not a direct quote, onlookers reported hearing West screaming at himself in the mirror, swearing and saying “watch where you’re going.”

Ever the prima donna, West then called his stylist demanding that he be fit for new clothes as his current outfit, supposedly one of a kind, was being worn by someone else. Kanye only became more infuriated when he noticed the figure was mimicking his movements.

When informed that it was Kanye’s reflection in the mirror, and then someone patiently explaining what a reflection was, he protested that it was impossible.

“I’m way better looking than this fool!” West screamed, causing a wave of laughter by onlookers.

After coming to terms with the fact that he could not fire his own reflection, he flew back to America and filed a lawsuit. Kanye is suing his reflection both for the assault that occurred in the meeting, and misrepresenting him for 37 years. His lawyers reluctantly filed the suit, despite hours of trying to explain why the case would make him look horribly stupid. Kanye rebuffed their attempts, and now West and his reflection are set to appear in court September 31st.

In the meantime, West has filed a restraining order against his reflection, which has already been violated several times in the past few days. Police were called to Kanye’s home the morning after the suit was filed, as Kanye’s duplicate was accused of commiting a home invasion. West claimed he was startled by the very man he was at odds with while getting dressed in front of a full-length mirror.

Officers who arrived were led to the room where the incident occurred, but they found nothing. West entered the room moments later only to act alarmed, screaming that the intruder was behind them. The police had to stifle their laughter and told West that they’d “get their best men on that matter.”

In spite of his current ordeal, West is still very hard at work in the studio and tweeted to his fans that “There may be a thousand of him, but there’s only one of me.”

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