Man Sues Dating Website, Says ‘My Perfect Matches Are Always Black’

CHARLOTTE, North Carolina –

A Charlotte man has filed a lawsuit against a popular online dating site, citing his ‘extreme unhappiness’ with the results the website had been giving him. Gil Green, age 33, claims that all of the ‘perfect matches’ recommended to him through the site were African-American.

“I want to find myself a nice white woman and the site couldn’t get that straight,” said Green. “It isn’t fair to me at all that they would assume that I’m into black girls. I put in all my own information, and what I was looking for in a girl, and every time I checked who it matched me with, it was some dark-skinned broad.”

Green is claiming that the website was ‘deliberately sabotaging’ his love life, and that is why he was filing suit.

“I’m just a simple man, and I’m trying to find a wife, or at least a couple good dates, maybe a couple of blowjays, you know? But no mater how many times computer tells me my perfect match is black, I can’t just settle on that,” said Green. “It’s not a racist thing, I’ve met black people before. Some of them are even pretty cool. I just don’t find black women attractive. I’m sure plenty of black women don’t find me attractive. I shouldn’t have to change my standards to find a date on the internet.”

Green’s lawyer, Joe Goldsmith, Esq., who filed the suit in a North Carolina Superior Court, said he thinks that Green has ‘no chance in hell’ of ever winning the case.

“I only took this case for the money, my practice is struggling, and whatever pays the bills, you know?” said Goldsmith. “Mr. Green seems to be really confused about the internet and online dating in general, because the website he is filing suit against is ‘blackpeoplemeet.com’. Obviously his matches are going to be African-American. Frankly, Mr. Green is an idiot, and quite possibly a bigot.”

Representatives of blackpeoplemeet.com have yet to comment on the lawsuit, except to say that they “assume the outcome of the case will be a no-brainer.”

WASHINGTON, DC –

Amtrak Conductor Charlene Roberts thought she was the victim of an insensitive prank when a commuter on the train’s popular Northeast Corridor route made an unexpected complaint.

Traveling from Washington to New York aboard Amtrak’s high speed Acela Express, attorney Bettina Corning complained to Roberts that the couple seated behind her on the train’s ‘Quiet Car’ were making too much noise. The couple seated behind Corning happened to be both mute and deaf.

“I’m a very busy attorney, and I had a lot of important briefs to compile for very important clients that I have,” explained Corning from her office in Midtown Manhattan.

‘Quiet’ cars on Amtrak trains were introduced over a decade ago at the request of customers wishing to commute without the usual distractions that accompany train travel – cell phone conversations topping the list. Growing popularity has led many regional and commuter rail lines to add quiet cars to their standard routes.

“The quiet car is there for a reason, and I shouldn’t have been inconvenienced,” said Corning. When informed that the couple she had complained about were deaf mutes, she replied, “That’s another issue and doesn’t have anything to do with what Amtrak offers and what I pay for. I lost valuable time and I consider the matter closed.”

“Many deaf people vocalize,” said Dr. Franklin McLogan, of New York’s Health Care Partnership for the Deaf. “It depends on the individual. If deafness has begun in childhood where speech is at an early or evolving stage, some vocalization based on that level of development may take place. These individuals though, also happened to be mute. So it’s really a wonder what kind of noise they could have been making on the Quiet Car that got another passenger so worked up.”

“Personally and professionally,” conductor Roberts recalled, “I thought it was wrong for her to ask me to move the couple, because they weren’t being loud in any way, shape, or form. I always check the volume level of my cars, and remind customers to speak with ‘library voices’ if I feel they are distracting others. Apparently the couple were signing to each other too loudly? I have no idea what Miss Corning’s problem was, except to say that it’s possible she’s just a heinous bitch. That, by the way, is my professional opinion of someone who works with the public on a daily basis, not that of the Amtrak company itself.”

The couple seated in back of Corning, Bill and Susan Welch, commented through an interpreter. “We didn’t know why the lady in front of us was upset. We were surprised when we found out it was because of us. The conductor was very polite and apologized, but she didn’t have to. It wasn’t necessary. We never had any problems traveling before. We’ll continue to ride quietly in the Amtrak Quiet Cars and hopefully other people just ignore us, just as we do them.”

All three customers were issued courtesy travel vouchers to be applied toward future trips.