POLL: 98% Of Hillary Voters Are Lying, Too Embarrassed To Admit They Support Trump

Posted on October 31, 2016 by Bob The Empire News Potato

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

According to a recent, anonymous poll, nearly all of Hillary Clinton’s supporters are actually in favor of Trump being the next president, but are to embarrassed to admit it.

“We have found that, when people know their answers will be kept confidential, that they admit to voting early for Trump, or that they plan to vote for him,” said Mark Domino, who conducted the poll of over 25,000 people personally over the last 6 months. “Based on my calculations, the number of Hillary supporters who ACTUALLY wants her to win is only about 2%.”

To back up his research, Domino recorded every single response, blurring out the faces and changing the voices of the people he spoke to.

“I absolutely want Trump to win, but I can’t say that publicly. I’d be shamed out of my job, maybe out of my marriage. I’d lose everything,” said a man in Duluth, Mississippi.”I’d never vote for someone like Hillary, who lets people die and does nothing, then denies it. It’s disgusting.”

According to Domino, the answers from people are relatively the same no matter where he went.

“People want Trump – in a landslide,” said Domino. “This information might actually help some of these people to be able to come out in support of Trump, since they now know EVERYONE wants him, and they’re not alone, nor are they deplorable.”

Didn’t Finish College? You Can Now Lie About It On Job Applications

Posted on December 8, 2015 by Bob The Empire News Potato

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

Most job applicants lie about graduating from community college. A 2015 study by the American Association of Community Colleges (AACC), has found that up to half of community college drop outs still list themselves as graduates on resumes. With this new knowledge, the government has mandated that it will now be legal to consider yourself a CC graduate if you’ve even attended at all.

Bill Rich, HR manager says his company, Soft Skillz Temp Agency, had to actually start checking degrees. “Chances are they attended the community college. They could tell you all about it in an interview, but often they did not actually complete their degree. If it says something like liberal studies, you know they definitely didn’t finish. Who would go for something so pointless anyway? It’s just not realistic. This new law is going to kick my ass. I’ll be checking references for weeks.”

The study predicts most applicants were getting away with it, and researchers speculated that job seekers have gotten lazy, due to lackadaisical reference checking. Rich says, “They think we’re not going to call. They think nobody actually checks references. Sad thing is in most cases they’re right.”

NFL Admits Games, Off-Field Drama Are All Pre-Determined, Scripted Events

Posted on November 23, 2014 by JP

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

This season of NFL has not disappointed its fans, either on or off the field. There has been some incredible games played, and some very incredible drama following the franchise and players, but they have still been pulling in viewership numbers like never before.

It is because of the incredible ratings that they have been getting that it has finally been confirmed by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell that the reason why things have been so ‘dramatic’ lately, and the truth may be devastating to most football fans.

Goodell reveled in a press conference Saturday evening that the NFL has been lying to fans for years, as they have been secretly setting up all the games, creating off-field and media drama amongst players, and even going so far as to creating the illusion of long-term injuries for certain players.

“When we say that our athletes are playing the game, what we really mean is that they are playing our game,” said Goodell. “We’ve been manipulating everything. The games are pre-determined, and the players and coaches aren’t really calling the shots. Just like professional wrestling, we’re putting on a show, and for years, people have been tuning in to see what we’ll do next. Which team will win? Which player will beat down another? Which player will beat down his wife? It’s all about the ratings, and the stories created by our team of skilled writers.”

Goodell went on to also talk more about players and their personal lives, and how even getting certain people to agree to take legal heat outside the game in an effort to bring in more viewers.

“Now, I’m not saying that every little thing is a work. Michael Vick is certainly guilty of the dog fighting thing, but we do set up a lot of behind-the-scenes antics to keep people on the edge of their seats. There are bonuses structured for players who create a name for themselves in the media, whether it be good or bad. It doesn’t matter. In the end, they’ll get people watching.”

When asked why they were admitting only now, decades after the league began, that the games and media frenzy were all shams, Goodell said that he just felt the time was right.

“We’re hotter than we’ve ever been, and it just seems at this point it doesn’t matter what we do. Abuse allegations, cheating scandals, long-term and life-altering head injuries – it doesn’t matter. People still sit down with a bag of chips and a rack of beer every week, and watch our guys go to work. It doesn’t matter if the public knows we’re lying or not – they just want to be entertained.”