Michael Jordan Announces Comeback, Will Suit Up For Charlotte Hornets

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CHARLOTTE, North Carolina – Michael Jordan Announces Comeback, Will Suit Up For Charlotte Hornets

Six-time NBA champion Michael Jordan announced earlier today that after years of time away from the game, he will make an attempt to come back and play for the Charlotte Hornets, the team he co-owns.

Jordan, 51, held a press conference earlier today and shocked sports journalists and fans alike with the possible game-changing announcement.

“After being out of the game more than ten years, and hearing so much talk about Kobe Bryant passing up my all-time point total, I’ve decided to make myself available to my team as a player. I can still shoot the rock, did y’all doubt that?” Jordan said as he laughed.

Head coach of the Hornets, Steve Clifford, who was also on hand for the press conference, was asked if he thought the aging Jordan would be an asset to the team as a player.

“Are you kidding me? We are talking about MJ here, best player that ever played the game. Do you guys think that he doesn’t get out there on the court with our guys regularly in practice? In my opinion, he came back a long time ago, he just didn’t play in games,” Clifford said.

Jordan went on to explain that it was actually Clifford who talked him into suiting up in a Hornets uniform. “For the last couple of years, I’ve gotten out there a couple times a week during practice, Steve has always joked about me getting back on the court for real,” explained Jordan. “Then, right before the season started, I had a really good scrimmage where I just crushed most of the guys, and that planted the seed in my mind.”

“The one valuable lesson I’ve learned in my life is that anything is possible to anyone, anywhere, any place and any time. I mean – I’m Michael Jordan. I’ve won six NBA titles, six NBA Finals MVP awards, I’ve saved the world from an alien invasion with Bugs Bunny, and hell, I even played professional baseball. Now I own a NBA team. What have I learned? I’ve learned that if you really want to do something, all you really have to do to be successful is Just Do It.”

Jordan, who passed his physical, is expected to be in uniform and on the bench ready to play within the next two or three weeks.

Dennis Rodman Claims He Was Abducted By Aliens Twice During NBA Career

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – Dennis Rodman Claims He Was Abducted By Aliens On Two Separate Occasions

Controversial ex-NBA star Dennis Rodman said in a radio interview on Louisville sports station WKRD 790 AM that he was abducted by aliens twice during his NBA career. While on the road promoting his soon-to-be-released biography, The Constant Rebound, Rodman, for the first time, spoke about being abducted by aliens.

“I was playing for the Spurs in 1993 and I was abducted by aliens two different times during the off-season,” Rodman said casually while being asked about his antics on and off the court. Thinking that Rodman was joking, sports talk show host Tony ‘Birdman’ Griffith immediately laughed during the live interview. “No, I’m completely serious, and for the first time ever, I am coming forward and announcing it. I have been dealing with it for years and there are others out there afraid to say anything, so on their behalf I wish to come forward,” Rodman said adamantly. “The world noticed a drastic change in my behavior when I was a player, and later on when I tried my hand at acting – which I sincerely apologize for, by the way – and it’s high-time I admit that my behavior was a direct result of my alien abductions.”

Griffith then apologized for laughing, and commented by saying, “Oh my God, you are serious, I’m so sorry. So how did this affect your basketball career?”

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“They did something to me, and I don’t mean via anal probes necessarily, and it actually seemed to help my game and opened my mind as a human being. I was scared to death when it happened, and I still have dreams about it every night, but I honestly think [the aliens] are here to help us. The problem is that the people who are abducted have a hard time understanding and coping with it, most keep it a secret. I kept it a secret because I was afraid people would think I was, ironically enough, crazy,” Rodman said.

Rodman went on to say the alien abductions are brought up in detail in the book, which has not yet been released. “This is only my second interview promoting the book, I figured I need to get that off my chest sooner rather than later. My book will be released sometime in January. My agent figured that we should get a jump on promotion, he knew I was nervous about what people would think of me,” Rodman told Griffith.  “If you get my book when it comes out, you will read all about it, we don’t have enough time to get into it anymore today. My time in North Korea was related to the abductions, but I am not prepared to talk about that right now. So don’t ask,” Rodman added, referring to his bizarre trips to North Korea to meet with leader Kim Jong-un.

Griffith immediately went on to change the subject of North Korea and asked Rodman about the three championships he won with the Chicago Bulls from 1995-1998. “So you are in Chicago playing with Jordan and Pippen with Phil Jackson as your coach, what was that like? What was the team chemistry like on that team during the three-peat run?” Griffith asked.

“It was the only time in my career that I felt like I was understood. Phil Jackson knew how my mind worked and got the best out of me. He was more of a friend than a coach. It was great playing with all those guys, something that will stay with me the rest of my life,” Rodman replied.

The official release date of the book has not been set, however it is expected to hit bookshelves sometime in January.

 

 

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