Every once in a while, a song becomes so popular or is played so repeatedly, that you can’t turn around without hearing it, and once you do, it’s in your head for hours, days, or weeks. It’s the earworm at it’s finest (or its worst, really) and sometimes it feels like there isn’t much you can do about it. If you’re anything like me though, random songs will pop into your head even when you haven’t heard them lately, and then it drives you even more crazy. So crazy, that you’ll try anything to get it out of your head. Here’s some handy tips on how to relieve the musical agony.
1. SEEK OUT THE ARTIST OR BAND WHO WROTE THE SONG, AND TWEET THEM ABOUT THEIR HORRIBLE MUSIC
This is always the first thing I do whenever I get song stuck in my head. Finding the singer on social media and letting them know that their abysmal, shitty song is taking up valuable space in your brain is a great way to beat the tune right out of you. You’re already angry that you can’t stop humming ‘Hello,’ so tell Adele exactly what you think of her terrible pop song. This is also a great way to get support from other people who read your tweet, and also hate having shitty songs stuck in their head.
2. LISTEN TO ANOTHER, MORE CATCHY, MORE TERRIBLE SONG
Sometimes I wake up in the morning, and I’ll have a song stuck in my head that I haven’t heard for years. Let’s say it’s Hanson’s ‘Mmmbop.’ There are few things in life worse than that terrible, half-scat pop, but there are a few songs that, when sang out, and really loud, will easily make you forget about the tragedy stuck in your lobes. Try screaming WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?! or the jumbled lyrics to The Macarena while staring in the mirror. That first tune will be gone faster than you can say “one hit wonder.”
3. COMMIT SUICIDE
This one might be a heavy-handed way to go, but let’s look at this logically. Say you’re driving down the road, and you stop at a read light. The person next to you is blaring the radio, and you hear them screeching along to ‘Cotton Eyed Joe’ by Rednex. There is no way possible to escape that pain and agony. Just reading the title right now, you’ve probably already looked around for the nearest rope or gas oven, longing for the days before you knew that song existed. There are those songs out there so bad, and such horrible earworms, that the only way out is by taking your own life. I’m sorry, it’s a harsh coarse, but I’m just being realistic.
4. KILL THE ARTIST OR BAND WHO WROTE THE SONG
Unlike suicide, this option is a lot easier on your own life, in that it keeps you breathing. Much like example number one, this option really lets the artist who created that shitty song you can’t get out know exactly what you think of them. There are some drawbacks, such as not being able to live a life of freedom for very long, but there is also the notoriety level that comes along with the murder of a famous person. I mean hell, everyone knows who killed John Lennon, right? Of course, this doesn’t guarantee that you will be able to forget the song, but it does help in at least making sure whoever sang it never gets that opportunity again.
5. DO HEAVY DRUGS
This one really should have been number one, because when it comes down to it, nothing is going to make you feel as good, and relieve more tension, stress, and bad earworms, than doing copious amounts of great, hard drugs. Try to steer clear of cocaine or meth, as they will just make you want to get up and dance to the music in your head, whether you like it or not, and stick to the psychedelics. Mushrooms would be great, because you’ll start hearing the songs in your brain on a whole new level and hey, maybe they were never that bad to begin with.
