Justin Timberlake Sells His Shares of MySpace For One Dollar To Unsuspecting Fan

Posted on January 29, 2015 by Raoul Stockton

BEVERLY HILLS, California –

Singer, songwriter, and actor Justin Timberlake, who was a co-owner of Myspace, reportedly sold his shares of the company to a fan for one dollar yesterday afternoon.

The 33-year-old Timberlake said in a statement from his publicist Michelle Hendrickson, that he no longer felt that Mypsace was developing the cause for which he signed up for.

“Mr. Timberlake would like to thank all of his fans for support in his venture with Myspace, but he felt that his goal of bridging the gap between artists and fans was not being achieved,” Hendrickson said.

Myspace has steadily declined in popularity since Facebook has taken over social media in the United States, and every year the number of Myspace users has dropped off signifcantly. Timberlake bought into the company with hopes of reviving the once upon a time king of all social media.

“Justin feels that he let a lot of people down, and just wanted to get out from under this thing, so he decided to take a loss and sold his share of the company to a fan for whom he was signing an autograph for. He casually asked the fan if she wanted to buy his share of Myspace for a dollar, she laughed, and said yes. And Mr. Timberlake then set up a meeting with the fan and lawyers to make the deal. And the deal was made,” Hendrickson said. “To be quite honest, Justin is glad to wash his hands of Myspace. I mean, did you know that Myspace was even still around? If you think Google Plus is a ghost town, you should try logging into your old Myspace page someday. It’s like a relic or a time capsule or something.”

Timberlake’s share of the company was worth $15 million, according to financial experts, making the the new unknown owner the luckiest Timberlake fan of all time.

Facebook To Make All Private Messages Viewable By Public – The Reason Why Will Shock You!

Posted on December 17, 2014 by mike the inkman

MENLO PARK, California –

Facebook has shocked the world today with their announcement that they will be publicizing all users’ past and current direct messages, in a move that they say will help to “promote honesty.”

Earlier today, CEO of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, announced the policy changes in a status update via his personal, confirmed account. The status has since been deleted, however, it was shared thousands of times, and a screenshot of the original post has surfaced.

The original post read:

“I have been getting a lot of questions about our new direct message policy, which will make messages viewable by the public. It is a policy that we are going to enact over the next couple of updates. We feel it is a good policy that will promote honesty, and it will be retroactive, so old messages will be visible until a week after you deactivate your Facebook account.”

An anonymous source at Facebook was able to confirm that, despite the post being taken down, Facebook is definitely including the ‘public messages’ feature into future updates. The source was also able to confirm the feature will publicize all messages sent over the life of the Facebook account.

“Mark [Zuckerberg] has lost his head. He’s in bed with the NSA, he reads people’s personal messages for entertainment value. He views himself as some benevolent enforcer of morality. Facebook started as a way to connect with people, but now he is on another level,” said the anonymous employee. “The bad thing is, he slipped it into the terms of use years ago – anything you upload onto Facebook servers, including messages, is the property of Facebook, and can be made public. So if you’re using messenger to cheat on your spouse, or to sell or buy drugs, or anything you thought would stay private, you need to prepare yourself for everyone you know being able to read those messages, and probably sooner than you think.”

The new policy has been ill-received on social media. Screenshots of the post along, with angry comments, are spreading across the internet. Facebook users on the whole say they are not okay with the company playing with their private information.

“Facebook sucks, and it has for a while,” said user Mark Jacobs. “I guess with a change like this, it’s time we all move back to MySpace. They not only didn’t have privacy concerns, they let you order your friends into a top 8! God, remember that? Those were the days.”

Facebook Announces New Design Changes, Massive Overhaul Coming In October

Posted on July 21, 2014 by Raoul Stockton

MENLO PARK, California –

Facebook users around the world have requested an updated look and more display options for quite some time. Well today, over a billion people were told the news so many have been waiting patiently for – the changes are coming this October. So get prepared to get creative and express yourself, because you will be have plenty of options to do so with the new bells and whistles awaiting those eager fingertips worldwide.

Chairman and CEO of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, excitedly announced earlier today that big changes are in store for Facebook, the social networking giant currently used by 1.28 billion members worldwide.

“Effective October 1, 2014, Facebook users will experience a brand new appearance along with new formats and displays which will allow users to choose by various themes, colors, layouts, and fonts,” said Zuckerberg. “These are features that are users have been requesting for years. Everyone will have the unique ability to arrange their profile pages in a custom setting, one of which is the original layout that included the “wall” concept, which many members insisted was easier to navigate and maintain. You can organize your friends and post them on your pages. You can We want you to have the unrestricted freedom to choose what works best for you and your individual electronic devices.”

Long time users of the site may remember the controversy surrounding the gradual change-over from Facebook Wall design to the current “Timeline” layout. Thousands of complaints flooded Facebook headquarters surrounding the change-up, some account users insisted they simply liked the old way better.

“Music and photography lovers will have the ability to embed photos or their favorite music videos freely upon their profile page,” said Rob Landry, head of design for Facebook. “For the creative, artistic, and photogenic users, in-screen photo editing will be readily available with a vast-array of eccentric and classic special effects, frames, filters, and the essential tools for adjusting and modifying photographs in a timely and efficient, fool-proof manner.”

“We are very excited to offer these options, these changes have been a long time coming and we just wanted to get it right so that the network performs just as smoothly and efficiently as always,” said an upbeat Zuckerberg. “We will be finalizing the new logo as the final step of this incredible and extreme makeover, which will be done in about two weeks. At Facebook we believe in innovation, the freedom of expression, and the most certain individuality of each of our unique Facebook friends, so it only makes sense for us to change things and allow the options to best fit individual needs. With that being said, we can assure, without a doubt that change is good and we believe 1.28 billion users will ultimately, enthusiastically agree on the first day of October. ”

Facebook Admits to Manipulating User Profiles For Absurdist ‘Matchmaking Game’

Posted on July 4, 2014 by NJJones

MENLO PARK, California –

The terrifying news released last week that Facebook admitted to manipulating the posts of 689,003 users in a mood-changing social experiment came as a shock to people worldwide. Further investigations into the ethicality of their experiments has uncovered new information that suggests Facebook has been using their “guinea-pig” users in a much more problematic way.

This secondary experiment first became apparent when reading the official report released by Facebook, sources noticed occasional references to something called “dating data.” When prompted about the mysterious data, Facebook technology teams confessed to what they had been doing throughout the site.

“Using what we learned from our initial experiment – that modifying the news feeds of a user could in fact modify their mood as a whole – we invested in a smaller project to see if by modifying people’s news feeds and shared information, we could push for romantic relationships between certain users, and deter them between others.” Said an employee of the company, speaking under the guise of anonymity.

“Our aim was to discover how far social networking goes today in regards to formulating intimacy between people.” Said another employee in charge of the dating data. “We edited private messages being sent between users, even sent a few ourselves, and we even used our stupid ‘poke’ option to generate interest between chosen users. If you got ‘poked’ in the last year on the site, that was most definitely us. No one actually pokes anybody.”

“To be honest, the whole thing was just a game to us. We’d choose a couple people in the same city at random, make sure they didn’t know each other at all, and start playing our games. It was all really just for a laugh. Oh, and, of course, to study human interaction, etcetera blah blah.”

This bizarre matchmaking experiment prompts ethicists and futurists to ask several alarming questions about the nature of privacy on the internet and how much we allow technology to control our lives in this day and age

“What we have here is a prime example of when massive corporations such as Facebook, are given too much power over the day-to-day social (and private) lives of everyday people.” Futurist Jim Carroll explained. “Hollywood makes so many movies about far-off futuristic dystopias, but what many don’t realize, and what’s highlighted by Facebook’s invasive studies, is that we are already living in one.”

When asked to comment on their latest scandal, Facebook responded by neither admitting their faults, nor denying that they were manipulating user data.

“We here at Facebook believe in user privacy, sorta, but we also believe in scientific discovery. It is important to understand human emotion and just how easily it can be tweaked by interactive new media such as social networking. We are dealing with new technology here that no one completely understands. Experiments can help us learn.”

Facebook, as a publicly traded company, is legally allowed to do whatever they want with the public and private data that users transmit through their system. The end-user agreement that is digitally “signed” by any user who creates an account, actually gives Facebook the company a lot of rights over them that they probably would never allow.

Analysts have said that in the several years that Facebook has grown to be one of the biggest websites in the world, not a single person who has created an account has taken the time to read the license agreement the site makes you agree to. They went on to say the only way to stop Facebook from manipulating their data is to stop using the website all together.

“Really, the best thing would be to switch to something like MySpace or Google Plus.” Said one analyst. “Your information is going to be extremely private on those websites, because no one uses them in the first place, so no one cares to study the user data of a handful of people.”

Google Looks To Buy MySpace, Livejournal, Plans To Combine Them With Google+

Posted on July 2, 2014 by Bob The Empire News Potato

MOUNTAIN VIEW, California –

Google announced this morning their intentions to buy the brands and websites of MySpace and Livejournal, as well as several other smaller, mostly defunct social media sites, to add to their Google+ environment. Google says that they are buying up all these “ghost town” websites to create what they consider a monopoly on social media that no one cares about.

“When we launched Google+ a few years back, we had plans on it becoming bigger than any social media site ever.” Said Larry Page, CEO of Google, INC. “What we failed to realize is that even though we have the biggest website in the world, with more traffic than anyone else, we just aren’t cool enough to get people to want to switch over from Facebook.”

Although many people jumped immediately onto the Google+ bandwagon, the company found there was little they could do to steer people away from mega-giant social media website Facebook. In fact, so few people actually used their Google+ accounts, that Google decided to force people into using it by combining YouTube with their G+ services, something that didn’t sit well with most YouTube users.

“No one uses Google+, and no one wants to use Google+.” Said YouTube commenter ‘BuzzsGirlfriendWoof.’ “Why do I want to have to leave Facebook and go to another site, just to add everyone all over again over there? What a pain in the [expletive].

“We probably came to the game way, way too late.” Agreed Page. “So we’re trying something new, again, and this strategy is a surefire way to get people away from ‘big blue,’ as we call them. All these old websites that no one visits anymore – we’re going to make them hip and cool again.”

Page went on to explain that their plan is to purchase MySpace, LiveJournal, Friendster, DeviantArt, and AOL Instant Messenger, and combine them all into one giant, multi-purpose free-for-all of a social media website called ClusterFudge, with plans to have it be featured when you visit any of the old URLs, or the existing Google+ page.

“ClusterFudge is going to be incredible, seriously.” Said Page during a recent press conference. “You will have our already sleek Google+ website interface, but we will be adding in the features of all the other websites, including blogging and writing notes like LiveJournal, and adding your artwork and photos like DeviantArt. We also are super excited to be able to introduce a great chat feature with the purchase of AOL Instant Messenger from AOL.com.”

When it was pointed out to him during the conference that Facebook already does all of those things, Page brushed off the comment, saying that “they weren’t interested in the dealings of a competitor.”

“We just want to shake up your old memories with this website. You’ll have a top 8 again! Don’t you remember how cool that was? We’re even getting Tom to be your first friend just like old times!” Said Page.

The new website is currently being built by Google teams, in conjunction with several designers and engineers behind the other websites they’re looking to purchase. So far, no deals have been signed, but the purchase of these old, mostly dead and completely non-trafficed sites is said to be somewhere in the nature of only about $50,000.