WASHINGTON, D.C –
President Trump has just signed Executive Order E1334-L, which will effectively allow for minorities in the United States to have one child per married couple. Trump signed the order in hopes that less gang-bangers and rapists or drug dealers would be born within the country’s borders.
“The crime rate in this country is out of control, and we are working tirelessly to make sure that everyone is safe and happy,” said Trump. “We’ve stopped criminals and terrorists from entering the country, now we need to stop them from being born here.”
The order, which is effective immediately, is already on appeal by the ACLU on the grounds that people cannot be told in our democratic society how many children they may have, but if not overturned by a judge, will stop anyone who is not white from having more than one child. If a couple who is black, hispanic, Asian, etc, already has more than one child, they are allowed to keep the ones they have, but may not be allowed to have more.
“There are a lot of things involved in controlling this, but I have my best people on it,” said Trump. “We’re looking at the numbers, we’re looking at the people, and this will definitely help to curb the crime rate in the United States. If some black couple somewhere can’t have more than one child, they have a much lower chance of giving birth to gang-banger, a rapist, or a drug dealer. Or a filthy skank, if they had a girl.”