Congress To Vote On Bill To Require Background Checks Before Purchasing Fireworks

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

In the wake of the horrific Orlando club shooting, focus has turned once again to the issue of gun control. After democrats unsuccessfully attempted to filibuster and sit-in for tougher gun control laws, they have decided to try another angle. They hope to require background checks before people buy fireworks, in states where they are legal, and ban terrorists from buying fireworks.

A person will also be denied sale if they are a felon, fugitive, domestic abuser, undocumented immigrant, or have a legally declared mental health issue. This bill would also disallow fireworks being kept with in reach of customers.

Recently in Phoenix Arizona, Walmart customer recorded a giant burning fireworks display in an aisle. Apparently, a small group of people decided to light part of the fireworks display aflame, causing a crackling, cacophonous inferno.

“Somebody could have been killed inside that store with that fire growing as fast as it did and as bad as it could have gotten,” said Phoenix fire captain Larry Subervi.

Although fireworks are not the preferred method of terrorists, police have had fireworks shot at them, including incidents in East London, Dallas, TX and Greenville, SC. “We need to keep explosives out of the hands of terrorists. It’s as simple as that,” says one of the bill’s sponsors, Senator Patty Murray.

Obama Increase Importation Of Immigrants Following Orlando Shooting

Obama Confesses Dirty Secret: 'I Had Sex With Michelle'

WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

In the days following the Orlando terror attack, the Obama administration has sped up the process of importing Syrian refugees in the U.S. despite the fact that experts have now admitted that terrorists could hide among migrants.

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Since Omar Mateen, the Islamic radical, and closeted homosexual, murdered 49 people at an Orlando gay bar, the Obama Administration has admitted hundreds more Syrian refugees to the United States, including placing dozens in Florida.According to State Department data, since June 12, 441 Syrian refugees have been resettled in communities across the U.S.

A janitor that works in the Whitehouse has released a statement saying, “We’ve got to get these Muslim brothers in before it is too late. After Trump is elected, which he will be judging by the amount of bigots we have in this great country, the rest of the world can f-off, as far as the US is concerned. No more aid. No more immigration. No more Mr. Nice President.”

Orlando Shooter Omar Mateen Was Very Likely An Angry, Closeted Homosexual

mateen

ORLANDO, Florida –

Omar Mateen, the gunman who perpetrated the deadliest mass shooting in the history of the United States early Sunday morning, has reportedly been exposed as a closeted homosexual. As news has come out, it has been alleged that Mateen killed 50 people at a gay club named Pulse, in Orlando, Florida as a show of rampant homophobia that was compensating for his raging homosexuality.

Mateen had been seen at Pulse many times over recent years, and had even been known to use gay dating apps. Sitora Yusufiy, Mateen’s first wife, who says he was often abusive to her, told the New York Daily News that when they wed in 2009, he told her his life had previously included frequent clubbing.

Yusufiy and her fiance, Marcio Dias, appeared on Brazilian television yesterday and told the channel that “Yusufiy told him Mateen had ‘gay tendencies’ and had been called gay in front of her on several occasions by his father.”

In another interview with one of Mateen’s classmates from 2006, a period when both were enrolled in a Florida police academy, the classmate spoke anonymously with Orlando’s WFTV9, telling the station that Mateen had once asked him out on a date.

“We went to a few gay bars with him,” the classmate said, “and I was not out at the time, so I declined his offer. The classmate told the paper he thought the killer, who pledged allegiance to ISIS before the shooting spree at the nightclub, was “gay and in the closet.”

“Unfortunately, he couldn’t come out. Whether it was because of his family, his faith, or some other reason, I don’t know,” said another classmate. “All I do know is that no one has that much hatred of gay people unless they secretly want to have a dick slapped in or around their mouth. He may have called 911 to publicly confess his allegiance to ISIS, but alone in the dark, there is no doubt in my mind he was pledging his allegiance to dick.”

Snake Bites Boy At Disney’s Wild Animal Kingdom

animal kingdom

ORLANDO, Florida – 

A family from Alabama plans to sue Disney World after they said an escaped snake at Disney’s Wild Animal Kingdom dropped from a tree and bit their young child. The family’s attorney, Matt Morgan, said Thursday that the boy’s grandmother saw the snake bite him, went into cardiac arrest from fright, and died soon after. They boy was treated with a band-aid and continued to enjoy the park after the incident.

While the family mourns her death, they say they will remember Grandma’s sacrifice as they spend the money they will receive from this lawsuit. “She would have said, ‘I’m old. I lived my life. Let God take me if it means my family can go on more memorable vacations.’ Next time we won’t be going anywhere with snakes though,” said one of the family members. The names are not being released at this time.

Disney says the snake was wild and not part of their attraction. Attorney Jeff Kendell plans to represent the snake, who did not intend to harm the boy. “The snake was nonvenomous, so it did not plan to hurt anyone. It was merely speaking out about the destruction of its wild habitat for a tourist destination in the only way it knew how.”

Discount Juice Brand Found To Have Used Wood Pulp In Orange Juice

PORT ST. LUCIE, Florida – Discount Juice Brand Found To Have Used Wood Pulp In Orange Juice

The Douglass family fortune was built on Papa D’s Orange Juice.  Patriarch Oliver Douglass bought some land in 1938, and set up orange groves as far as the eye could see.  In no time, ‘Papa D’s OJ’ lined store shelves from Orlando to Miami.

The family’s spotless reputation was tarnished last week though, when it was revealed that for decades, one of Douglass’ partners, a paper manufacturer, was supplying him with wood pulp for Douglass to add to their Papa D’s juice.

According to agriculture inspector Hank Kimball, Douglass used the cheapest strain of oranges available.  “The fruit had next to no nutritional value whatsoever, and contained little to no pulp.  They were basically sacks of juice surrounded by an orange rind,” Kimball stated.

The paper mill was owned by one of Douglass’ business partners.  “From what the authorities have told me,” said Kimball, “apparently Douglass got the pulp for free in exchange for some tax breaks or something he arranged for his friend at the mill. Douglass had that kind of pull in this town. So they set it up so that pulp the mill needed to get rid of, that couldn’t be disposed of on land without it costing a lot of money or inconspicuously dumped into the ocean, would get mixed into the orange juice to get rid of it.”

“I feel sick to my stomach,” said Port St. Lucie shopper Doris Zifffel.  “I’ve been drinking Papa D’s for years, and I’ve given that juice to my son Arnold since he was a baby. Maybe that explains why he was so ‘regular.’ I hope it didn’t hurt his little insides.”

Douglass was a local hero in his day.  He supported the community by funding schools, hospitals and various charities.  If Douglass endorsed you, you were a member of the ‘in’ crowd.  Now, people can’t distance themselves from the family fast enough.

According to inside sources, the city of Port St. Lucie is now terminating all business dealings connected with the Douglass name.  “It’s going to be a long process,” said the insider.  “The orange juice facility was just shut down.  The paper mill will probably take a hit.  Just about everything in town has the ‘Douglass’ stamp on it in one way or another.  It’s a huge mess.”

Calls to the Douglass household were answered by a maid who identified herself as ‘Consuela.’  When asked to provide a comment she said, “No, no, Mr. Douglass – not at home now.”

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