WASHINGTON, D.C. – 

If you happen to be on the lower peg of the economic ladder and also enjoy a stiff beverage, great news is coming your way. To any person in the United States that is given food stamps, you will now be eligible to use these benefits at any liquor store in the nation. For any amount of benefits that you receive, you will be able to spend any amount of your food stamps on any type of alcoholic beverage, beer or hard liquor.

In an attempt to curb the illegal sale of food stamps, government officials decided to “cut out the middle man” and allow them to be used for alcohol.

“Basically, many recipients of food stamps were selling their monthly allotment, handing over the card, and taking cash. They’d then use the cash to buy booze or drugs,” said senator Mitch Larson (D-Delaware.) “We can’t very well allow people to use their food stamp cards to buy drugs, but we can stop the sale of food stamp money by just allowing it to be able to be used for alcohol. It’s just economics at work, really.”

While food stamps were invented to help out those that couldn’t afford to buy the items to cook a hot meal, many people who receive the benefits say that as adults, they should have the right to choose what their government handout can be used on at any given time.

“I’m 68-years-old, and if I want a bottle of bourbon with my Hungry Man dinner, then sumbitch, I should be able to get one,” said Marv Gordon, a Vietnam Veteran who receives $225 a month in food stamp benefits. “My grandson was giving me money before, and I’d let him take the card to the store and pick up some food for himself, but this is a lot easier.”

Already many liquor stores are accepting food stamps at their locations, and members of congress say that all stores selling alcohol must accept food stamps by April 31st of this year.

There has been an outcry from the public, especially Republican voters, that the benefits are already abused enough, and that adding alcohol sales will only further compound the issue. Government officials say, though, that those people complaining about the change happen to not need any government help, so their opinions don’t really matter.