Stephen Hawking Allegedly Seen Walking In Secret Security Footage

Stephen Hawking Allegedly Seen Walking In Secret Security Footage

CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts – 

World-renowned physicist and one of the smartest men in the world, Stephen Hawking, who has been in a wheelchair for most of his life, suffering from ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, was reportedly spotted recently getting up from his wheelchair and casually walking across the room to a refridgerator, where he grabbed a bottle of beer, chugged it, and then returned to his chair.

“I saw the footage on camera, and I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Cambridge University security officer Phil Rogers. “I’ve known Mr. Hawking for years, and I just didn’t think it was possible. You know, though, I wouldn’t put it past his big brain to have come up with a cure for ALS years ago, but he stays in the chair now because it’s his gimmick. No doubt the ladies love it.”

An Oscar-nominated film was released last year based around the life of Hawking, titled The Theory of Everything. It chronicled his life as a young man, his loves, and his affliction with ALS that left him paralyzed completely. Hawking has been talking via computer for the better part of 3 decades.

“I think it’s possible he could be faking it, but I guess at this point, why would he do that?” said Dr. Grover Sentinel, a professor at Cambridge. “He could do anything he wants. He has one of, it not the most, brilliant mind that there is today. He understands things that no one living ever could. If he can walk, well – you know what, more power to him.”

For the moment, Hawking is remaining quiet about the possible existence of any footage showing him walking or moving on his own. When reached for comment, his publicist said that they would “not discuss such nonsense.”

Stephen Hawking Sex Tape Reportedly Leaked To Internet

Stephen Hawking Sex Tape Leaked

LONDON, England – 

It seems anyone can be an object of sexual desire, with fetishes ranging from watching morbidly obese people eat, to enjoying girls urinating on hairy backs. Now there is something even hotter making its way around the internet, as paralyzed physicist Stephen Hawking’s intimate sex tape has reportedly been leaked.

In the 20-minute video, Stephen’s classic computer voice rattles off a whole list of things he wants done to him while a group of extremely bored-looking girls perform various sexual acts, including grinding his paralyzed legs, sucking his toes, and burying his face between their breasts.

Although Hawking is not able to achieve an erection, there is a pronounced twinkle in the physicist’s eyes throughout the video.

A close friend of Stephen explains, “He’s still a man, even though he suffers from ALS, and he wasn’t always paralyzed. He knows what he’s missing, and some part of him wants a taste of it. Even though he is unable to feel, he is able to imagine the sensations. It’s amazing he has lived passed seventy in his condition, and at this point in his life, it’s time to live out his fantasies before it’s too late.”

Vivid Entertainment, known for releasing celebrity sex tapes, says that they have “absolutely no interest” in purchasing and releasing the Hawking sex tape, as it’s just “too out there,” for their regular customers.

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