Snapchat Is Secretly Storing Every Picture That’s Taken – And Then Selling Them On The Black Market!


VENICE, California –

A hacker who goes by the name of Mr. Kitty has reportedly stumbled across code in the Snapchat app that proves that the company is storing every single picture that is taken on the app, but what he says they are doing with it is BEYOND terrifying.

“Snapchat is secretly storing every single picture taken. Whether it is a funny picture of your dog, a picture of your dinner, a comedic video, or nude pictures you’re sending to your boyfriend, Snapchat is saving them all,” said Mr. Kitty. “After I discovered this, I accessed their servers, which are some of the largest I have ever seen. It was there I discovered that they take the pictures, and send them to individuals and companies all over the world, for a profit.”

Mr. Kitty believes that the images are worth millions of dollars, because they can lead directly to marketing opportunities to help companies sell to individuals. The other side, of course, is black market pornography.

“There is an entire world of underground porn that is made up of pictures and videos from Snapchat,” said Mr. Kitty. “If you have ever taken a picture of yourself naked with the app, chances are good that you’re being sold in the underground.”

Snapchat said that they had “no idea” what Mr. Kitty was talking about, and that the app clearly does not store any pictures.

“We have been asked this billions of times and no, we keep nothing,” said a Snapchat spokesman. “It would defeat the purpose if we did. Obviously the app was created, originally, with the intent to send nudes, but now we’re a publicly traded company. We can’t afford to screw that up just by selling pictures of your chicken dinner to the black market.”

Shocking Photos Surface Of Miley Cyrus With Her Clothes On



LOS ANGELES, California – 

After a series of business-as-usual nude photo shoots for magazines such as Plastik, as well as extremely erotic costumes during her performances and tours, a slew of shocking photos have surfaced that are making Miley Cyrus fans take to social media in a vile and violent outrage.

“I cannot believe the photos that she gets away with sometimes, but this new set of pictures that is all over the web is disgusting, and it’s sickening,” said Marc Jacobs, 24. “I am a Miley Cyrus fan from way back, and I’ve stuck with her as a fan through a lot of scandals, but I just don’t think I can deal with these new pictures of her with her clothes on.”

According to her publicist, Marsha Williams, Cyrus’ new pictures were something that were never intended to see the light of day, but were leaked by a freelance photographer.

“Miley has a very unique and very specific kind of persona, and we have worked very hard to develop that,” said Williams. “These photos of her with her clothes on were never meant to be seen. They were taken in a weak moment, and Miley had ordered them destroyed. We are extremely upset that anyone has viewed these completely safe-for-work, totally boring photos. We are currently considering taking legal action against the photographer who leaked the photos.”

According to Williams, a new series of extremely graphic photos of Miley posing nude will more than likely hit the web soon in an effort to erase the “boring photos” from the minds of anyone who has seen them.


Teen Gets Senior Pictures Taken At City Dump

garbage dump

CHARLESTON, South Carolina – 

After a teen recently made headlines for getting her senior pictures taken, unironically, in a Taco Bell, a South Carolina high school student said she would “not be out done,” and went viral after she had pictures taken at her local city dump.

Arlene Mitchell, 17, of Charleston, said she was “inspired” by the teen who took her senior pictures at Taco Bell, but knew that it was all just a marketing ploy.

“To be honest, the pictures were crap. They were garbage, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were paid for by Taco Bell, who has gotten tons of publicity out of this,” said Mitchell. “The more I started thinking about it, the more it pissed me off that someone was getting famous for taking pictures of themselves in the garbage dump of fast food restaurants. So that got me thinking…”

Mitchell says that she enlisted her father, professional photographer Joe Mitchell, to take pictures of her at a local city dump.

“It was a super hot day at the beginning of the month,” said Joe Mitchell, 34, best known for his work of taking photos of food at for the menus at a local Chinese restaurant. “We were out there for about 6 hours, taking all sorts of pictures of Arlene in with the trash. It smelled just horrid. It was probably exactly what it was like for that girl who took her pictures at Taco Bell. Except, of course, neither Arlene or I were struck with severe cases of the blow-shits after our shoot.”

Arelene says that she is very happy with the way that her photos turned out, but hasn’t yet decided which to choose.

“Frankly, it’s a toss up between the one of me sitting inside of a tire, holding a used condom in my mouth and pretending to jab a dirty needle in my arm, or the one where I’m standing next to some dirty baby diapers, holding my nose, and making an ‘ew’ face.”

When asked what message she was trying to send with her photo shoot, Arlene said she didn’t have one.

“I don’t give a shit about messages. I just think Taco Bell is a shitty place to eat. I could have gotten a better meal at the dump.”

Study Shows Excessive Taking of Selfies Cause Seizures

Study Shows Excessive Taking of Selfies Cause Seizures

NEW YORK CITY, New York – 

You may want to drop that cellphone next time you are having a great hair day and looking for some ‘likes’ on Facebook. A recent study has been conducted, with results showing that people who take excessive selfies are more likely to suffer from seizures.

Dr. Corey Brad explained how something as simple as taking a picture of ones self can be so dangerous.

“Well, as crazy as it may sound, it is completely true. The thing that sets apart selfies from any other picture is the fact that most people taking them take up to one hundred photos of themselves at one time to find the perfect picture,” said Dr. Brad. “That large amount of staring into the screen and light can cause a person at any age to have a seizure. On top of that, you are twice as likely to take one with the flash on. As we’ve always known, flashing lights can cause seizures, but we never thought that some day so many people would be repeatedly flashing lights at themselves, either.”

There have been over 2,000 cases of young adults having seizures so far this year, and this study may have found the answer to why this is happening.

There are a few signs that you’re close to the ‘danger zone’ of a seizure when taking pictures, the biggest is about ‘Duck Face.’

“One tip is to know that the typical ‘Duck Face’ that is commonly seen in pictures is a sign of an impending seizure. While most people don’t even realize they are doing it, selfies can cause a neuron to literally burn out in your brain, causing you to make the face when taking a picture,” said Dr. Brad. “If you see someone making a duck face in a selfie, by all means, slap that phone to the ground. It may save their life.”


Somali Pirate Sues Sony Pictures For Cut Of Profits From ‘Captain Phillips’

Somali Pirate Sue Sony Pictures For Cut Of Profits From ‘Captain Phillips’


HOLLYWOOD, California –

The ACLU representing a Somali pirate filed a lawsuit today against Sony Pictures, claiming that their client, Abduwali Muse, never gave his permission for his story to be told in movie, and has never received compensation. Captain Phillips was Sony Pictures 2013 hit, grossing over $218 billion worldwide. 

“How can the American Civil Liberties Union represent a Somali pirate, you ask? The answer is easy – he is being held in a U.S. prison,” said ACLU Lawyer Adam Aarons. “Mr Abduwali Muse, who the story ‘Captain Phillips’ is based on, is serving a 33 year sentence here in the United States. I’ve taken this case on because my client has not seen one dime of the profits of a movie which essentially tells his life story. Corporations need to be taught you can not walk all over the little people. We are asking for $100 million dollars, which upon winning, the ACLU will hold for Muse until he is done serving his 33 year sentence – minus our large cut, of course.”

“The ACLU won’t be happy until they destroy America,” said radio personality Rush Limbaugh. ”They take on the most stupid, inane cases possible. The will do anything for a buck, but this is their lowest moment, representing a murderous pirate against a film studio that, frankly, has had to endure enough these last few months.”

Sony has recently dealt with controversy of their own, after hacked emails leaked detailing sensitive conversations between executives, as well as a threat against the United States being lobbied by North Korea over the studio’s film The Interview. 

“I’m not sure who the ACLU is, really. I only signed the papers because they promised me money in my commissary to buy candy bars and gum,” said Abduwali Muse from inside his prison cell. ”I don’t want to upset anyone, I’m in jail because I’ve done horrible things. I feel guilty because they treat me so well – American Jail is nicer than my village. If you see the ACLU tell them I’m waiting for my candy.”


Kindergarten Teacher In Hot Water After Having Students Draw Pictures Of Muhammad

ATLANTA, Georgia – Kindergarten Teacher In Hot Water After Having Students Draw Pictures Of Muhammad

After finding out what their children have been drawing in class, some parents are threatening to pull their children out of Peach Street Kindergarten in Atlanta, Georgia. Teacher Mary Christian says she has been having the children draw pictures of Muhammad, and that it is ‘all in good fun,’ and a great way for her class to rally behind the massacre at France’s Charlie Hebdo satirical magazine.

“We’ve been doing a unit on other parts of the world, and the kids had just learned about the Eiffel Tower when the terrorists attacked France. Now the kids are hearing things like ‘Terror in Paris’ on TV, and naturally they started asking questions. One of the students asked me, ‘Mrs. Christian, what made these men so angry?’ So this new unit was to help them understand religions.”

Six-year old student Ben explained his thoughts about the drawing classes to The Georgian Gazette Daily News.  “Muhammad really doesn’t like having his picture taken, I guess, so I asked Mrs. Christian if we could draw him. My Mom gets really angry if you take her picture, too, but she always puts the pictures I draw of her on our refrigerator. I’m glad mommy doesn’t have guns when she gets mad.”

When asked if she knows who Muhammad is, kindergartener Crystal said that he was part of other people’s “wrong beliefs.”

“Mrs. Christian told us Muhammad is like Jesus in the part of the world Aladdin is from, but he’s got a big beard like Santa,” said Crystal. “I drew my Muhammad with a blue beard, because blue is my favorite color.”

Christian says she doesn’t know what people are so upset about. “I think it is important for kids to know about other religions, so they can understand how stupid they are.  Someday they will learn all about Jesus in Sunday school, but I can at least start them early in understanding that Muhammad isn’t real, and Jesus was.  Personally, I support Charlie Hebdo, and the job they’ve done in mocking these horrible, sickening religions. I hope that they come back from their troubles and don’t lose their religious edge.”

School officials say they are “looking into the matter,” but so far they have not fired or suspended the teacher from her position.

Drawings from the Peach Street Elementary School kindergarten class, showing their interpretations of the prophet Muhammad






Sony Pictures Admits Hacking, Film ‘Leaks’ Were Marketing Stunt

LOS ANGELES, California – Sony Pictures Admits Hacking, Film 'Leaks' Were Marketing Stunt

The internet has been abuzz the last several days as news of Sony Pictures’ servers being hacked, reportedly by North Koreans, hit the circuit, with Sony representatives stating that they had been locked out of many of their own computers and social media accounts, as well as several major motion pictures being stolen and distributed through online resources.

As it turns out, though, a Sony Pictures employee accidentally spilled the beans, when he let it slip to a reporter that the ‘hacking’ was all staged, and that the films that were released to the internet, including the remake of Annie and the bio-pic To Write Love on Her Arms, were expected to be ‘giant pieces of shit’ that ‘no one would ever pay to see anyway.’

“The movies that were leaked, with the exception of the Brad Pitt movie Fury, are all movies no one has any interest in seeing anyway,” said the unnamed source. “Oh boy, a remake of Annie, a classic that everyone was sick of decades ago, with an ‘urban’ cast. Wow. The To Write Love on Her Arms movie – hell, I work at the studio, and even I don’t know what that is. Another Kat Dennings flick. Again, truly underwhelmed. That’s why the studio let these movies end up online.”

The source says that Sony executives hatched the scheme to hire a group of hackers to ‘infiltrate’ their systems and lock everyone out – that way even most people who work for them wouldn’t know it was just a ruse to drum up excitement for their films.

“I only found out because I overheard some studio heads talking. ‘My God, I can’t believe we’re actually giving away these movies!’ they were saying. With the holidays coming up, and Annie coming out nationwide, I think they wanted people to go see it. It’s weird how it works – if people think that something is worth stealing, then they’ll actually pay for it. Capitalism!”

Sony Executives could not be reached for comment.

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