President Obama Arrested For Possession of Marijuana While Driving In Maryland

BALTIMORE, Maryland –

President Obama has reportedly been arrested for joyriding and possession of marijuana while traveling through Maryland on his way back to the White House, according to police reports.

The Baltimore Police Department say they pulled over a black 2015 Ford Ranger that was swerving erratically early Friday morning. Officers were surprised to find President Obama behind the wheel, obviously under the influence of marijuana.

“Our officers pulled over a new, luxury SUV at approximately 3AM Friday morning,” said Baltimore police captain Gary Holmes. “Officer Dan Lewis approached the vehicle, and found President Barack Obama in the driver’s seat. He was alone in the vehicle, and Officer Lewis claims there was an extremely strong odor of marijuana emanating from the cabin of the vehicle.”

According to Officer Lewis’ report, the President did not resit arrest, or put up any sort of argument with officials.

“He was very respectful, and came willingly,” said Officer Lewis. “He was arrested at the scene, and was booked on driving under the influence. A car containing 3 secret service agents arrived minutes after President Obama was stopped, and they, too, were cooperative with the arrest.”

Obama was held overnight and released on bail. According to the White House press secretary, President Obama will pardon himself for the misdemeanor, and will not face any jail time.

Texas Judge Sentences Man To Death For Marijuana Possession

Death row cells at the Texas State Correctional Facility

AUSTIN, Texas – 

An Austin Superior Court judge sentenced 34 year old Joseph Goldsmith to death row yesterday, after Goldsmith was picked up on his third offense for marijuana possession.

Judge Martin Churchill said during the trial that he had “already seen [Goldsmith] twice” and that “the third time was the charm.”

“If a man cannot get his act together, and he is arrested multiple times for the same crime, then I have no choice but to hand out the swiftest and harshest punishment I can.” Said Churchill. “In this case, the public needs to know how the state of Texas deals with repeat offenders, especially when they are drug-related crimes.”

Goldsmith, who has no other arrests on his report other than the previous two convictions for misdemeanor marijuana possession, was visibly upset when the verdict was read.

“I cannot believe it. This is like a nightmare.” Said Goldsmith, in tears after the hearing. “It was just a couple of joints. This isn’t right.”

Goldsmith was arrested this third and final time with around a gram of marijuana in his possession. In several states throughout the U.S., this amount would get him a small fine. In others, he would be let off with a warning. The state of Texas has the toughest laws on marijuana possession in the country.

“We will definitely be appealing the court’s decision.” Said Matthew Klein, Goldsmith’s attorney. “A sentence of death does not fit this crime. There is no way that we are going to let this stand.”

Goldsmith was sent to the Texas State Correctional Facility in Austin after the trial. Per his conviction, he will be required to remain on death row until an appeal can overturn the judge’s decision.

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