presidential campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C. –

The media has been in a frenzy the last week after Donald Trump mentioned that there were “no problems” with the size of his penis during the recent Republican debates. Although most people were in shock that such crude and asinine comments were made during a presidential race, a huge chunk of the internet started asking for Trump to prove it, using the social media hashtag #TrumpShowUsYourPenis.

The Donald, not one to back down from a challenge, accepted the outcries of the young people of social media, and today he tweeted a fully nude selfie showing how big he really is.

“You asked for it America, and here it is,” said Trump’s tweet. “I wasn’t lying about the size of my penis, and I’m not lying about making this country great again. #dickpic.” Also included was a link to the image, which is obviously NSFW.

The tweet went viral immediately, as did the picture attached. Most people were in shock when they saw how big he actually was, and still others say that they’re actually going to vote for him now.

“Before this picture and tweet, I thought he was a buffoon,” said Joelle Clarke of Lansing, Michigan. “Now that he actually had the balls – literally – to tweet a picture of his package, I believe that he has the balls to get things done in the White House, too.”

Senator Bernie Sanders, when asked about the picture, said he “hadn’t seen it,” and “had no interest in doing so.” Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton said that she had set it as her cell phone’s wallpaper, and was currently discussing with her campaign manager whether it would be a good idea to tweet a picture of her own big, ugly penis.

NEW YORK CITY, New York –

While taking a break from the filming of the Kevin Smith comedy Yoga Hosers, acting icon Johnny Depp told entertainment reporter Sarah Mayer of Inside Entertainment Daily, that he is interested in politics and he plans on throwing his hat into the ring for the 2016 presidential election, which he says will be a great way to be ‘taken seriously.’

“America is screwed up, marijuana is illegal in most states, and the amount of time and money our judicial system spends on non-violent crimes is absolutely astounding. I’m sure people will laugh when they hear I am running for office, but for the most part, I hope to be taken seriously as an aspiring politician,” Depp told Mayer on Tuesday. “I have my film career and musical endeavors, and being president of the United States would be an adventurous side gig.”

Depp has made several controversial comments about the United States in the past, most infamously of which from an interview for the German magazine Stern, where he said “America is dumb, is something like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you, aggressive.” Depp said his comment was taken out of context, and that it was his response to how Americans have so much access to powerful things that they often get in over their heads.

Depp says that legalizing marijuana across the board is at the top of his agenda, but there is a lot more that needs to change. “I don’t think school children should be ordered to attend school five days a week, they have fragile little minds. They should go to school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, giving their brains time to take in what they have learned the day before. I believe no employer should be allowed to not hire you based on your appearance or make you keep tattoos or piercings covered up. There is not enough individuality in the U.S., this needs to be addressed.” Depp added.

When asked about his chances as being considered a legitimate presidential contender, Depp said that he hoped he would have a better chance than most.

“Have you seen the clowns we have had in office the past fourteen years? Over the past 40 years, even. They are nothing more than puppets. There is zero honesty in U.S. politics today, I intend to put it all out there. If the American people can’t appreciate that, then the social decline will continue,” Depp answered. “I would have never considered putting myself through such a thing, but when you look at the list of contenders for 2016 it is a frightful observation. I am pretty sure that the American people don’t even like any of them.”

It is not the most far-fetched idea for a legendary actor to seek the presidency. Ronald Reagan made the jump after two succesful terms as the 33rd governor of California. In a nutshell, Depp admitted that he probably didn’t stand a chance, but it would indeed be the launching pad into politics, and would perhaps run for governor in his home state of Kentucky. “Within the next year, I will really put my ideas and beliefs out there, I will probably not be considered. But after that who knows, maybe I will run for governor of Kentucky,” Depp said.