Scott Steiner Disappointed Hulk Hogan Refused to Fight to the Death

Scott Steiner Disappointed Hulk Hogan Refused to Fight to the Death

MIAMI, Florida – 

TMZ reported recently that pro-wrestler Scott Steiner, 52, threatened to kill wrestling legend Hulk Hogan, 61. According to the report, the two were recently involved in a fracas, with Steiner telling Hogan’s wife at an airport that he plans to “kill Terry [Hulk Hogan’s real name]”. Hogan proceeded to call the cops, eliciting an angry response from former ally Steiner.

“I can’t believe the pussy called the cops!” Steiner said. “What kind of a wrestler does he think he is? He used to be a legend but now he’s just soft. This is meant to be a fight to the death.”

Fans of Hogan are equally disappointed, expressing their dismay on Twitter en masse.

@wrestlemaniac: hulk you were my hero but now another person who has let me down

@hardforhogan: i cant belive the news today. hogan is not what he used to be #saddays

@ilovewrestledick: Wrestling is a man’s sport, and it is a man’s responsibility to kill or be killed #steinerforlife

Some have, however, stood up for Hogan.

@reasonablegentleman: The man has a family. He can’t risk his life just for his image

Analysts of the sport have dismissed the sentiment, insisting that a man of his stature cannot afford to be seen as weak.

“Look at him hiding from that chair [being thrown at his face – figuratively speaking],” said promoter Vince McMahon. “He’s cowering beneath his arms, begging for help! And now his colleague could get prison time for doing what a wrestler does. Come on, Hogan. Where is the Hulk?”

A spokesperson for the Hogan family told reporters that Hogan refuses to comment as yet, but that he is meditating like a complete f*****, trying to get over the oh-so-terrible shock of having his life slightly in danger.

WWE Wrestler John Cena To Make Debut In UFC This Month

LAS VEGAS, Nevada – WWE Wrestler John Cena To Make Debut In UFC This Month

One of the most popular professional wrestlers in the WWE has decided to take a new step in his career. John Cena, both a fan favorite and one of the most hated men in wrestling today, will be taking away from the entertainment ring, and heading to the real fights of the octagon this month

It has been announced that Cena, who has been training under MMA legend Chuck Liddell for several months, will face his first professional fight in mid-October.

At this point, it is unclear who Cena will be facing in his initial bout, but UFC sources have said not to expect his first fight to be against any ‘all-star’ fighter. Cena reportedly got the idea to fighting in the MMA arena from fellow pro-wrestler and one-time UFC champion Brock Lesner, but fans and sports insiders alike are already questioning if he can handle taking on the ‘real fights’ of the UFC.

“Cena is very prepared. He knows these are real badass fighters, throwing real punches and kicks,” said UFC president Dana White. “Cena is not taking this lightly, like the hits he takes in the WWE. I mean, there is almost a 100% certainty that he is going to get his ass handed to him, but at least he knows what’s coming. Cena is a marvelous showman, and  will certainly put on a great show for us in the UFC.”

Cena did speak to the press, and although not very clear about his wrestling future, he was very concerned about his upcoming fight for the UFC.

“Whoever they have me facing, he is going to wish that the fight was as staged as pro wrestling. For decades the WWE, and wrestling in general, have been the joke of the sports world,” said Cena. “They see people like me, jacked and ‘pretending,’ and they think I can’t hold my own. This is to prove that I’m a real fighter, and can take it and give it, 100 percent. I’ve been in the ring. I’ve been in front of Hollywood cameras. This is just the next notch in my belt. Wrestling may be pre-determined, but it’s not fake. I didn’t tear my pectoral muscle completely in half playing hopscotch.”

It has been rumored that Cena may fight Kimbo Slice in his first bout, but so far nothing is signed on paper. Kimbo Slice, who became famous after internet videos showed him in street fights dominating contenders, turned out to be a complete joke once he entered the UFC, losing every match. He was released from his contract with the company, but they have agreed to possibly sign him for this one final bout against Cena.

The WWE has Cena under contract, and judging by the amount of publicity he raises for the company, not to mention the millions of dollars he makes for owner Vince McMahon, that contract probably has an end date of ‘never.’ The company has not commented on how often Cena will still be featured in WWE events, but a schedule of a UFC fighter can be pretty time-consuming. It fair to assume that Cena will be dividing his time between the squared-circle and the octagon come this fall.

BREAKING NEWS: WWE, Inc. Sold To Donald Trump For Undisclosed Amount; McMahon Turns Down Job Offer As Chief Consultant

STAMFORD, Connecticut – BREAKING NEWS- WWE, Inc. Sold To Donald Trump For Undisclosed Amount; McMahon Turns Down Job Offer As Chief Consultant

Majority owner, CEO, and Chairman of WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) Vince McMahon announced this morning that WWE, Inc. has been sold in full to American business magnate and entrepreneur Donald Trump for an undisclosed amount.

“It is a bittersweet moment for the entire McMahon family, but we have secured a comfortable life for many generations to come for our family,” McMahon told the Associated Press early this morning. “Mr. Trump gave us an offer we simply could not refuse about a month ago, we met with the minority owners and the rest of the family, and everyone unanimously agreed we should take the offer. The logistics were worked out by our very competent legal team, and as of today, Mr. Trump has taken full control of the WWE.”

The announcement is sure to come as a shock to wrestling fans around the globe as the McMahon family has been the cornerstone of the booming wrestling entertainment business from the 1980’s through today. “Mr. Trump had asked me to stay on as chief consultant, I have considered the offer, but after selling the family franchise I do not think it is appropriate for me to operate it, or contribute to operating the WWE, while it is no longer under our ownership. I simply thanked Mr. Trump for the offer and declined. It is the McMahon way – we are all-in or we are not in at all,” McMahon said.

Ownership of the WWE is now listed as The Trump Organization, operating out of the Trump Tower in Manhattan, New York. Trump said in a telephone interview with WABC reporter Jim Shwartz that his son Donald, Jr. and his daughter Ivanka would be the ‘masterminds’ behind the newly purchased entertainment business.

“It was Donald Jr. who really pushed for the deal and after hearing his argument, which was that it was a big business that I didn’t already have my name attached to, it is something I had to get behind. The responsibilities of Chairman and  CEO will be mine, Donald Jr. will take on the role of President, and Ivanka will be named Vice President and Ambassador of promotions and marketing. We are very excited to take on control of the WWE, and we will no doubt improve how things are operated. It is a win/win for the fans and a very exciting venture is ahead of us.”  Trump told Shwartz.

When asked if fans would find any noticeable changes as the reigns of the WWE are handed over to the Trumps, he made it clear that the impact would be noticed immediately, as he planned on changing nearly every aspect of the company.

“Well first of all, we are going to do away with the ‘soap opera’ aspect of the business. It will become more realistic, making it so that it will eventually be recognized as a legitimate sport, not a joke. Sure there will be plenty of drama, but it will be real. There will be no feuding between wrestlers on camera then going off, having a cold beer together off camera. If that means losing the current stars, who are mostly actors anyway, that is the way it is going to be. I have been a lifelong wrestling fan, and I am even in the WWE Hall of Fame, but that doesn’t mean that changes won’t be made. We gave Mr. McMahon the opportunity to stay on board and he turned his nose up to us, but that is ok, because we will show him how he should have been running his former business. That’s what Trumps do, they take over and make everything better,” said Trump.

“We wish to thank all the fans who made everything possible for decades. From The Gobbledy Gooker to Hulkamania to the time I tore both of my quad muscles sliding into the ring, it’s been a wild ride with the WWE. I’ll never forget it,” said McMahon, tearfully. “Actually, come to think of it, I’ll just keep renewing my subscription to the WWE Network and watch it all over again. Hot damn, that Network was a good idea.”

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