Converse Will Give Free Shoes For Life To Anyone Who Gets Their Logo Tattooed

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SACRAMENTO, California – 

Converse Sneaker Company, the cheap canvas shoes that epitomize lazy, relaxed days and are at the forefront of hipster trend, have announced an exciting deal for anyone who has some free skin and an extreme love of sneakers.

According to Maxwell Converse III, the president of Converse Sneaker Company, anyone who gets the famous Converse All-Star logo tattooed on their body will receive free shoes for life.

“We have always prided ourselves on making a great, comfortable shoe for extremely low cost, and charging an arm and a leg for them,” said Converse. “When my grandfather started this company, he wanted people to be able to look cool, laid back, and yet still have the ability to hit the basketball course at any time. We’ve held to that tradition to this day, and it is now, on the even of our 107th anniversary, that we announce free shoes for life to anyone who tattoos our classic logo on their body.”

Converse III says that anyone who has the logo tattooed can simply walk into a store that sells the All-Star line of Converse shoes, show them the tattoo, and they will be able to walk out with a pair of shoes.

“The caveat is that they must get a shoe in their size,” said Converse. “That way they cannot just get the tattoo and get free shoes for all their friends. This offer does not extend to the custom Converse All-Stars that can be purchased on our website.”

Although extremely uncommon, Converse is not the first company to offer free products or services to their customers in exchange for branded tattoos. Companies like McDonald’s, Target, Cracker Barrel, and Blockbuster Video all offer their customers free or reduced-price products if they show their branded tattoo.

New England Patriots Tight End Rob Gronkowski To Release Own Line of Erotic Novels, Vodka

FOXBOROUGH, Massachusetts – New England Patriots' Rob Gronkowski To Release Own Line of Erotic Novels, Vodka, Cat Food

With Rob Gronkowski having his own brand of literary erotica hitting the shelves in 2015, Gronkowski’s agent, Drew Rosenhaus, has been talking with many companies to see what else his client might be best to endorse.

“We are just scratching the surface on the marketability of Rob Gronkowski,” said Rosenhaus. “As he is larger-than-life on the gridiron, we know that he can be larger-than-life in your home, and on your store shelves.”

Speaking on his own behalf, Gronkowski outlined his new product lines outlining all of his favorite products.

Day by day I am working hard on the field, but I need to prepare to party-rock off the field, as well. With the help of Drew, my Mom and Dad, and Bibi Jones, I’ve come up with my own line of goods for all of my biggest fans,” said Gronkowski during a recent press conference. “For example, I know that I’m not the only one that likes to work out and get big, so for all my fans who work out, we have developed Gronky Way ‘Chocolate’ Bars. They contain only whey protein, which has been spray painted brown to resemble candy. It’s what every gym rat will ever need.”

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Gronkowski says that he and Rosenhaus were not able to find endorsements for existing products that they felt were “up to the Gronkowski standard,” which is why they decided to create their own line of products.

“You know I couldn’t forget about the ladies, so for those out there who need a little help staying pure, we created Rob Gronkowski Chastity Belts. This also has a double bonus for the Patriot-loving Dads too, you don’t have to worry when a ‘Gronk’ is around your daughters. I don’t recommend buying it in conjunction with my new erotica titles, though.”

Rosenhaus says that many players in all sports would “kill” to have their name on some of the products that he and Gronkowski have developed.

“We also have two household items that we are currently in production,” said Rosenhaus. “Gronk’s Own Cat Food, and Gronky Vodka will be released later this year. The cat food consists of minced fish, plus a little of that Rob Gronkowski smile to keep your cat looking good for the whole year. The vodka will come in several flavors, and is for all those party-rockers at home to have a great time with ‘Gronk’. But please, drink Gronk responsibly.”

With the expected success of Gronkowski merchandise, it’s very possible that fans could see other football-related products hitting the market as well. The Antonio Chromartie Baby Names Book, Manti Te’o’s Dating Advice Column, Adrian Peterson’s Day Care Chains, and Plaxico Burress’ Gun Safety Course are all currently in the works.

 

The planned cover to the first book in the Gronkowsi Erotica Series

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