A Riot In Nursing Home Leaves Dozens With Broken Hips, Police Are Still Investigating

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DETROIT, Michigan – 

Complete chaos erupted at Shady Creek Assisted Living and Retirement Home community in Detroit, Michigan when a scheduled outing to Dunkin’ Donuts was canceled with no explanation. Elderly people living in that community start a riot in the center with canes and walkers, while one elderly resident was swinging his life alert necklace in the air, cutting a nurse in the face inside the facility. One couple, who managed to get outside of the facility, were caught spray painting “Fuck The Cops” outside one of the windows.

“It was complete madness, I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Nancy Reeder, head nurse. “Mr. Norman came up behind me, grabbed my arm and bit down with his teeth. As he pulled away, his dentures locked onto my skin leaving him in shock and without any teeth. That’s when I kicked him behind the knee, and he fell to the ground where I was able to restrain him.”

The incident began last week in a previous Dunkin’ Donuts outing that left 10 of the elderly residents with stomach cramps and diarrhea.

“It was an awful mess we had to clean up,” said Reeder. “Their aging stomachs can’t really handle all of that sugar. So we decided to cancel all future outings. Apparently, not all of them were in agreement.”

In all, 29 people were injured. Out of the 29, 18 were residents of Shady Creek, 5 were nurses, and 6 visitors who were caught in the chaos. None of the injuries were life-threatening – just a few broken hips, bruises, and scratches.

Teenagers Hijack School Bus During Riot

STARLIGHT, Texas – 

19 year old Jacob Hicks is in custody for seizing control of a school bus during what fellow passengers describe as a riot. Tabitha Lawrence, who was injured in the altercation says it all started when the boys in the back of the bus were told to move up front.

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“They were always giving the bus driver a hard time. He put the lights on and told them to shut up and refused to go up front. I didn’t see who it was but one of them threw his boot at the driver and then it was just chaos. It was like in the movies, the last day of school when everyone throws their papers in the air and goes wild, but like if everyone just started punching each other afterward.”

At that point Jacob Hicks wrestled the bus driver out of his seat and took the wheel. Other boys threw the driver from the bus as Hicks accelerated.

The bus driver, Erwin Mathis, escaped with minor injuries. He says this incident will not end his bus driving career.

“They may steal my bus but they will never take my love of driving bus away from me.”

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