Online Debate Over Kentucky College Basketball Programs Causes Man To Murder Friend

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky –

Jason Hargrove, 28, of Louisville, Kentucky has been charged in the shooting death of his best friend, 29-year-old Michael Jenkins, also of Louisville, after the two got into an argument over which school has the superior men’s college basketball program, the University of Kentucky or the University of Louisville.

Apparently the shooting was not over the actual teams, though, but over annoyance at Jenkins’ use of bad grammar during their Facebook chat.

According to Michelle Baker, girlfriend of the accused Hargrove, the argument started when Hargrove, a Louisville Cardinals sports fan, and Jenkins, a loyal University of Kentucky fan, began chatting on Facebook about which of the two teams would win the NCAA men’s basketball tournament this season.

Baker told Louisville Metro Police Department detectives that the conversation had been going on for over an hour, when Hargrove abruptly smashed a full bottle of beer over his computer, and began yelling wildly, which startled her while in another room. Baker says when she entered the room to ask what was wrong, Hargrove was ‘going wild.’

“Jason said to me, [Jenkins] is a stupid, worthless, piece of shit UK fan! I’m sick of reading his nonsensical dribble! I don’t even know how we have been friends for so long! When a guy doesn’t even know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then that illiterate son of a bitch should be killed!” Baker said in her statement to police.

According to a LMPD spokesperson, the two began to make threats against one another, at which point Hargrove loaded his gun and walked next door, where Jenkins lived, and shot him at a point-blank range four times. He then took a red Sharpie marker and wrote, ‘Go Cards!’ on the dying mans forehead. No one else was in Jenkins’ trailer at the time.

Both University of Kentucky head coach, John Calipari, and University of Louisville coach, Rick Pitino, were asked about the incident, and both coaches commented on how the fans take the rivalry way too seriously.

“Coaching college basketball is my career, it is all I know and I can still sleep at night knowing it is just a game,” Pitino said. “College basketball fans in the state of Kentucky get ridiculous. I wish I could say this shocks me but it absolutely does not. Things like this are another reason I think social media is senseless – the world is full of idiots, they say things they don’t mean or have any knowledge about, and besides that, you can’t believe anything you read on the internet.”

“The fans around here are crazy. I’m sure the guy will claim temporary insanity, and it will probably hold up in court because people in this state are all insane during basketball season,” Calipari said. “That’s the reason why our program puts so much effort into funding the basketball program, and we go after the best players money can buy. Our lives may very well depend on it.”

SILICON VALLEY, California –

A top Apple programmer sent ripples through the mobile community with the revelation that he has been copying code from a three-year-old version of the Android operating system. Manish Karmic, a twenty eight-year-old developer who has worked for Apple for the past six years, was overheard bragging about his coding ‘ace in the hole’ at a company function by a guest and a member of the media.

Cheryl Smart, a tech blogger for Wired Magazine, was able to capture part of the conversation on her iPhone 5s.

“Honestly, it pissed me off a little bit,” She wrote in her personal blog. “I mean, I just paid eight hundred dollars for this phone because it is trendy, and it ‘just works’, and here is one of the guys who designed it laughing about how he copied obsolete technology from another operating system and passed it off as innovation. Now they are adding more recycled features, like Near Field Communications, and offering different screen sizes, two more things Android has been doing for years.”

Smart claims that she heard Karmic admit to literally copying and pasting thousands of lines of code from a Samsung Galaxy SIII, a phone that the Android community has largely forgotten about.

“And then Apple has the audacity to sue over common sense features like ‘pinch to zoom’ and the general shape of a phone,” Her rant continued.

iPhone users everywhere are jumping to the defense of their favorite device, even after hearing the recording that Smart has uploaded to her blog. They didn’t hesitate to let her know all about it in her comments section.

“Big screens used to be like, so stupid, but they make like, total sense to me now,” stated one guest poster. “And I didn’t get the whole pay-with-your-phone thing before, but now it is like, a total necessity for me.”

“They [Google] think that just because they had something first that it makes them better,” wrote another commenter. “Well, my iPhone is way better. I don’t care about the open source community or removable storage. My phone fits better into my skinny jeans.”

Android owners were quick to jump to the defense of their devices and ridicule the Apple supporters, making sure that none of them escaped unscathed.

“You guys are sheep,” read one retort by user CuddlyMuff. “If Apple released a rotary phone with a shorted-out cord, you’d all be raving about how steampunk it was and how the crackling from the cord shorting out actually improved the quality of your calls.”

One thing is certain, as long as Google keeps innovating, the iPhone is here to stay, thanks to the handy work of geeks like Manish Karmic, who have both a cool eye for copying code and a finger on the pulse of their customers.

“I could code something into iOS that should make them [iPhone users] hate the phone, but they won’t,” Manish can be heard saying on the recording. “I could code in something that would drain their bank accounts, and they would just talk about how much better their lives were with no money. They’ll buy anything. So I just put in whatever, and go to the golf course.”